Stephen Raven Vs the world
by Wizard-Infinitus
Summary: ever want to read something only populated by OCs? me neither, but this comes close. Ramona has a new boyfriend, which means The League has a new target.
1. A New Beginning

**Disclaimer: The Scott Pilgrim Comics were made by Bryan Lee O'Malley.**

**Stephen Raven Vs the World**

**Level one**

Okay, so It all began in a backwater Ontario town called Ingersoll...

It was five thirty in the morning at Ingersoll General Hospital, and Mr. Raven was speeding down the highway towards it. "Faster!" Mrs. Raven yelled. She was nine months pregnant with their first son...

Um, I don't think we have to go that far back.

Oh sorry. Then when...?

Just skip ahead about two decades or so...

Okay, so It all began in a crappy backwater Ontario town called Ingersoll, Where the Three Raven Brothers lived.

Stephen, Eric, and Jace were the Raven brothers. Well, technically, Stephen and Jace were brothers, and Eric was their cousin. Stephen was a drummer in a band called the Reapers, and Eric played bass. Jace just watched sometimes. Hyde was bass and John was the singer, but they're not important. They sucked ass. The only gimmick was that Hyde was sometimes the growler. The only gigs they ever got were at no name clubs that no one knew about. Seriously, they didn't have names or anything. Just an address.

But anyway, this isn't about The Reapers, just their Bass player and their Drummer. and maybe their bass/growler Hyde. but, he's not really that important.

Stephen was sleeping peacefully in his bed. It was seven in the morning in the middle of September, and snow was piling up on his windowsill. (what? It's Canada.) Stephen had been out of school for about a year, and he was unemployed. but things like that didn't get him down, either because he was optimistic or just stupid. Anyway, Stephen was sleeping, and his wonderful sleep was interrupted by the sound of his older brother kicking the door down.

"Wake up, Dipshit!" Jace yelled.

Stephen practically leapt out of his bed as his door came crashing down. he fell to the floor in a mess of tangled blankets with a THUD.

"C'mon, little Bro! we've got to be over at John's house in half an hour." Jace said as he stood over the bed.

Stephen's hand came up from behind the bed. "five more minutes." He said groggily, but then when he came to focus, he said. "Wait, what? He have to be there at four..."

Oh, sorry did I say it was seven in the morning? I was reading Stephen's clock. It was actually three thirty in the afternoon.

"Come on!" Jace said as he grabbed his brother by the collar and hoisted him into the air.

Stephen stumbled into the bathroom and took his toothbrush from the cup full of baking soda, and began brushing. He looked at the mirror as he brushed. Not because he could actually see his reflection beyond the cracks and grime, but just by habit. Technically, it was Jace's house. he had the job, so he paid the rent. No one knew what his job was, but his money had to come from somewhere, and no one asked. Stephen had moved there when their parent's house had become unbearable. Unfortunately, they didn't have a car, because Jace's mystery income was very low. But fortunately for them, Ingersoll was small as shit. After making toast with a steam iron, Jace and Stephen rode their bikes down to John's house. Or rather, they were going to, but the snow was fucking deep so they just trotted through the knee high snow.

As they approached John's house, a shadowy creature dropped down from the trees above and crouched on John's doorstep. The beast's hair was mated like a wild lion's wet main, it's eyes like embers in a fire. the shadows seamed to grow with it's presence, threatening to engulf the two Raven Brothers.

"Sup Hyde?" Stephen asked nonchalantly. Jace would have asked what the dramatic entrance was all about if it had been anyone but Hyde. Hell, he would have asked why that person was _acting like Hyde,_ if it had been someone else.

"Not much. You guys ready?" Hyde asked as he stood up and opened the door.

"Yeah, ready to Jam." Jace said, and they did. They walked in and John was there, setting up the amps. When he saw then, he glared at the Stephen. "Dude," he said. "You're cutting it close."

"Sorry man, I-I...ah..." Stephen stuttered, and Jace cut in. "Hey, lay off the kid, hmm? he hit the snooze button by accident."

Stephen froze. Jace was defending him, yet he still called him a kid, even though he was nineteen.

"It's four after noon, man!" John said, exasperated.

"Okay, so he hit it a bunch of times." Jace shrugged. "Look, we're here now."

Eric stepped out of the bathroom door, the sound of the toilet flushing behind him. "Sup bro?" Eric said as he gave Jace and Stephen each a highfive. Then a little text box appeared over his head.

**Eric Raven**

**Age: 23**

**Occupation: coffeeshop guy**

**Role: bass player**

"Hey, cool." Stephen said. "How did you do that?"

"I don't know ." Eric asked, looking up at it. then it disappeared.

"GUYS!" john yipped. "Our next gig is only two days away, and we still sound like Shit!"

Stephen took his seat behind the drums while Jace took a seat on he couch. John plugged his guitar into the amp, while Eric and Hyde just stood there. Stephen was the first to start playing. he started with a light steady beat.

Hyde suddenly turned into a shadowy silhouette of himself. He looked like he was backlit by orange light. Hyde backflipped through the air, his form and shape changing as he turned. Eric caught Hyde, who exploded into a shower of sparks. When the smoke cleared, Eric was holding a black Bass Guitar with orange trim.

What, did you think that Hyde was a second Bass player? No! he's a shapeshifter. Eric started playing a riff to match Stephen's light beat, and Jace began to nod his head.. Stephen's beat gradually became harder, and by the time John started singing, Jace was full on head banging.

After that first song, Jace decided to go. The Reapers had to work out some styles, and Jace had to go do whatever the hell it is that he does. He trudged through the deep ass snow down to the coffee Shop, although He didn't drink Coffee. Neither did Stephen or Hyde, but Eric and John did. Odd. is that a reflection of the Author's own taste in beverages? Maybe. anyway, Jace only went down to the Coffee Shop because someone there owed him money.

Jace walked into the shop, and gagged at the smell of coffee brewing. some people glanced at his odd reaction, but that was it. He hadn't been here in years, but he knew that the bitch worked here. she had to. she seamed to work everywhere. Then he spotted her. the girl with the long brown hair and the circular glasses. She saw him, too.

"Oh, You..." She said with venom in her vioce "What do you want."

"You borrowed money from me when you moved here from Toronto." he told her as he leaned on the counter.

How did you know I worked here?" Julie asked.

"Please, you work everywhere." Jace told her. "I don't know how you do it."


	2. Asking her out

**Okay, Disclaimer. I don't own any characters you may recognize, such as Julie or Ramona. The Scott pilgrim series belongs to Brian Lee.**

"I can't pay you back now, I gotta work." Julie told him.

"you've always gotta work." Jace said. "You musta gotten like twelve paychecks this week."

I didn't, and even if I did, I don't have your F***ing money at the moment." She said, her mouth somehow censored when she cursed.

"How did you do that?" he asked, but Julie ignored him as she turned to a customer. "Whatever, when do you get your check?"

"Friday, now get the *** out." she hissed.

"Fine." he said. The lights flickered, even though it was broad daylight outside, and Jace disappeared.

**Level Two**

Stephen was in an odd white space. it was... well, it was like being in a large featureless white room which somehow had a dense fog inside. Just really white. Then a green and black blur zoomed past him, kicking up a trail of fog. "W-wait..." he called out to the blur. It was a girl with green hair. On rollerblades...

Stephen awoke with a start, then reached into his drawer, digging around through the clothes. Eventually, he pulled out a small notebook with a pencil in the rings. he pulled out the pencil and started scribbling notes. He had to keep it a secret, even from his brother. Especially from his brother. A dream journal is one of the nerdiest things you could keep. Somewhere between models of anime robots and a wardrobe full of fake aluminum knight armor. He scribbled the words

_Girl... Rollerskates... Green hair..._

into the notebook, then buried it under his clothes in the drawer. He sat there for a moment, and looked out the window at the pale moon. He looked at the weird design of the moons surface, and tried to imagine that there was a face in the moon. He could almost see it.

Then the moon winked at him. Stephen jumped up, closed the curtains, and never looked at the moon again.

"So, I was thinking." Jace said to Stephen the next morning over their bowls of Fruity-Os. "We should get a sled."

"Where are we gonna get a sled?" Stephen asked. "That shit's expensive."

"That Amish farm down the road has a sleigh." Jace said. "And horses to pull it."

"yeah, but we can't just borrow Old man Jehnknin's Sleigh." Stephen said. "he's make us do some backbreaking labor. Like milk his cows, or churn his butter, or entertain his kids while they rot away from a life without TV."

**(Ingersoll is full of Amish folk. Just ask anyone from there.)**

"Which is why..." Jace said between spoonfuls of colored cheerios."...I think that we should just take it."

"We can't steal from an Amish guy!" Stephen said. " that's like stealing from a homeless guy. who has a wife and too many kids."

Ten minutes later...

"I can't believe we stole a Sleigh from an Amish guy." Stephen said, as he sat next to Jace in the old school Sleigh being pulled by two horses. "I can't believe we stole a Sleigh from an Amish guy in the middle of September."

"Hey, don't worry, it's not like they can call the cops or anything." Jace said as he thrashed the horse's reigns around wildly. "What with their lack of phones. HAHAHA!" Jace cackled wildly as he took the top-hat off his head and waved it around. This caused a little dial in Stephen's head to go from "Clueless" to "Gets it".

"Wait, your not Jace, your Hyde!" Stephen said as he finally got it. Jace/Hyde cackled again as he burst into sparks. He was Hyde again, Eyes burning like coals. "HAHA! Aren't I a terrible influence?"

"C'mon, man, we gotta return this thing. and the horses too!" Stephen told the Shapeshifter.

Hyde sighed. "Oh, okaaay." Hyde then twisted the reigns, causing the Horses to turn sideways and skid. the entire sleigh began to drift sideways on the snowy rode. Eventually, the Sleigh and horse made a complete 180 degree turn, and they brought the sleigh back to the Amish folks.

Stephen walked across the snowy field, every footfall sinking into the snow about two feet. hyde had turned into a ferret on the way, because he was a lazy ass and wanted to ride on Stephen's shoulder.

"So, if you were Jace this whole time, then were was the REAL Jace?" Stephen asked.

"I saw him walking out of your house last night. Said I could crash at our place." Hyde said, holding a door key in his paw.

Stephen slammed the back of his hand into Hyde's furry face.

"Hey, shut up for a sec," Stephen said, his hand still in Hyde's face. He pulled a a cellphone out from his jacket. It was Jace.

"Dude, where the hell were you this morning?" Stephen asked.

"Out boneing." Jace responded nonchalantly.

Stephen facepalmed. "Dude, TMI." he said.

"Sorry." Jace said, then "listen I'm at John's house. he ordered pizza. And Eric says his new girlfriend is coming over."

Okay. I'm with Hyde, we'll be there." Stephen said. "See ya."

"What's up?" the Ferret asked.

"Jace is at John's house." Stephen explained as he clipped the phone shut. "they got pizza."

"Kickass." Ferret Hyde said. he was wrapped around Stephen's neck lie a scarf. "Lets go."

Hyde's eyes flashed, and then his dark shape became that of a sparrow.

"Hey..." Stephen said as Hyde flew off his shoulder into the sky. "w-wait for me!...Oh shi-"

Hyde's massive talons grabbed Stephen by the shoulders and lifted him off the ground. He had turned into a massive hawk, and eventually he dropped Stephen in John's yard.

**Later...**

"Kay, so my girlfriend is coming over later." Eric said. "So, Hyde, could you turn into a guitar before she gets here? I don't wanna freak her out or anything."

"Sure, but what is she, twelve?" Hyde asked, sitting on the arm of the couch. He bit into an apple furiosly.

"No man, she's...seventeen..." Eric said the last word quietly. the room went quite as everyone stared at him.

Hyde laughed and his head turned into a police siren.

"NO man!" Eric exclaimed. "It's not like that with us. We haven't not done nothing!"

"A tripple negative," Stephen said. "does that make it negative again?"

"Nothing." Jace asked. "Did you make out?"

"N-no, not really. we just kinda kissed." Eric told them, running a hand through his brown hair. then there was a nock at the door. Like, the word KNOCK sprang out of the door and evaporated into the air. Twice.

"She's here." Eric went the door, then turned to Hyde, who was already a Black Bass leaning against the corner. His headstock turned into a hand, and Hyde gave him the Thumbs up before Eric opened the door. A very short girl somehow managed to Glomp Eric to the floor.

"I MIISSSED YOOOOUUU!" she squealed, then looked up at the John, Jace and Stephen, turning beet red with embarrassment.

"Guys, this is Kawai." Eric said as she scuttled into the corner. "Kawai, this is John and the Raven Brothers."

"Hey." they all said at once.

"And I'm HYDE!" a voice yelled out from nowhere.

"Who said that?" Kawai asked.

No one said anything.

"Well, lets start Jamming!" Eric exclaimed, trying to changed the silence as he plugged Bass Hyde into the amp. Then there was a knock at the door.

"That must be the Pizza." John said.

"Great, I'm starveling." Stephen said as he followed John to the door.

When he opened the door Stephen saw what appeared to be a stack of pizza boxes with feminine legs and roller-skates. The pizza monster then turned, and Stephen realized it was just a girl holding a stack of pizzas. A beautiful girl. With green hair.

"Okay, here's the-" Stephen pushed John to the floor and caught the money he was about the give the pizza girl.

"Hey, I haven't seen you around here before." he said.

"Ummm..." the Pizza girl mumbled. " That's because... Well, do you order pizza alot?"

"Sure I do." Stephen said. "Eat it for Breakfast lunch and dinner. And it's always Craig that delivers it."

Jace facepalmed. he knew that Stephen was trying to hit on the pizza girl, and he was going about it in all the wrong ways.

"Well... Craig is sick." The pizza girl said, obviously impatient. "Now can you give me my tip?"

"Wanna go out."

"No."

"Please?"

"If I go out with you, will you just pay me already." She asked, obviously exasperated.

"Sure." he gave her the money and shoved the pizzas into John's chest.

The pizza girl skated away, leaving a trail of melted snow in her wake. Stephen felt as if his heart was melting along with it. Then a little man inside his brain, who looked just like Stephen, woke up. "Oh shit." the little man said, and started pulling levers and pressing buttons frantically.

"I'M STEVEN, BY THE WAY!" he called out into the darkness, but she was gone.

Jace put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Bro, you okay?"

"I think I'm in love with her." Stephen said.

"Do you even know her name?" Jace asked.

**Meanwhile...**

Gideon Graves stood atop his glass pyramid in the middle of his new club in London, the Mega-Destro Durby. He was thinking of cutting out the word Durby from the name, even though he had already set up the neon signs. As he sat on his throne like chair upon the pyramid, he looked down at the Ten shadowy people below him. eight guys, and two chicks. They were all encased in shadows.

"Hey, uh, do you think you can get better lighting in here?" one of them asked." We all just look like a bunch of shadows..."

"Sorry, man, but I can't get the lights installed until next Tuesday." Gideon said from his throne of power.

"But you have that one spotlight trained on yourself!" another anonymous guy exclaimed.

"Well, sorry, anonymous guy, but we'll just have to stand around in the dark until Tuesday!" Gideon said. "But don't worry, the place will look great when it opens in two weeks."

"But until then, My Legion of Evil Exes, we will have to bid our time as we seek out our latest target, Stephen Raven!"

**Dun Dun DUN!**


	3. asking her out again

**Disclaimer: Scott Pilgrim, The first seven evil exes, Gideon Graves, Ramona and Julie belong to Brian Lee. The rest belong to me.**

** LEVEL THREE**

Stephen was asleep on his bed once again. he had hung strings of beads from his doorframe, because it was cheaper then buying a new set of hinges.

Shrip!

Shrip!

SShrip!  
Jace ripped the beads down and threw them in the floor.

"Wake up, fuckface!" Jace yelled at him. "today's your big show!"

"I'm up, I'm up..." Stephen said as he sat up.

"Okay, good." Jace said, then held up a football." Wanna toss the pigskin around a bit before heading off to Eric's place?"

"No one calls footballs pigskins anymore, " Stephen said, "But yeah, sure."

Jace left with an "okay" and Stephen went to the bathroom mirror, fealing his cheeks. He then wondered outloud "Do I really have a fuck for a face?"

"So, Are you coming to our show tonight?" Eric asked Jessica, his younger sister.

"Sure, where is it at again?" She asked.

An info box appeared over her head.

**Jessica Raven**

**Age: 21**

**Occupation: College Student**

**Rating: Kinda Gay**

"Hey, I'm not Gay!' she complained. "I'm totally Bi!"

Eric snorted. "Sure, whatever., Just keep telling yourself that."

Jessica glared at him. "where did that box come from, anyway?"

"I dunno, it's been happening to me too." Eric responded.

"Oh, that reminds me." he said. "My girlfriend's coming too. Pleas don't hit on her."

"Uhhg!" Jessica sighed. "I'm NOT gonna make any moves on your underage girlfriend, Pedo."

I am NOT a PEDO!" Eric exclaimed.

**********************************************8

Stephen and Jace stood at opposite ends of the snow covered feild.

"So, what was your deal with that pizza girl last night?" Jace shouted as he threw Stephen the ball.

"What?" Stephen asked as he caught the ball effortlessly.

**12 points!**

"I asked what's up with you and that pizza chick?" Jace asked again.

"I think I'm in love with her." Stephen yelled as he threw the ball.

"What?" Jace asked as he ran to catch Stephen's throw.

**3 points!**

"I Love her!" Stephen shouted again.

"You don't even know her name!" Jace said as he threw the ball back.

Stephen gasped. "You're right!" Stephen turned and ran off the field, the ball whizzing past him and hitting an old lady in the head.

**Headshot!**

Jace ran after him, leaving the unconscious old lady and the ball behind. He followed Stephen all the way to Pizzahut. There was a man with a mullet leaving the store, but Stephen kicked the door open. throwing the man to the ground.

"Craig!" Stephen shouted dramatically, but then he saw him behind the counter. "Oh, hi Craig."

"hey Steve, what's up." Craig responded.

"Dude, did a chick with green hair start working here recently?" Stephen asked.

"Yeah, her name is Ramona Flowers." Craig told him. "She just moved here from Toronto. Her hair was blue last week."

"Ramona Flowers..." Stephen mumbled, a dreamy look in his eyes. "What a beautiful name." after five minutes, Jace slapped Stephen.

"Okay, thanks Craig." Stephen said once he had snapped out of it. "And don't call me Steve."

"Bye Steve." Craig called to him as he left, causing Stephen to curl his hands into fists as he grimaced in the door. Jace hung back for a moment. He noticed the girl mopping the floor in the corner. It was obvious that she was trying not to be noticed. The lights went out for a moment, and when they came back on, Jace was leaning on the wall next to her.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about this Ramona girl, would you, Julie?" he asked her.

Julie jumped when he spoke, then regained her poker face.

"Nope." She said flatly.

"Really?" Jace asked. "Cause it seams odd that two girls moved from Toronto, within the same week, mind you, to this crappy town, and have no connection to eachother whatsoever."

"It's just a coincidence." Julie said.

"Pretty big coincidence." Jace replied.

Julie had to change the subject. "Oh, by the way, I'll have your money tomorrow."

Jace simply nodded before the lights went out and he was gone.

Later, the Raven Brothers where at Eric's house.

"Okay, so you're bringing your sister _and_ your girlfriend to the show?" Stephen asked.

"Yeah, why?" Eric asked.

"She's not gonna make any moves on Kawai, is she?" Jace asked in a low voice.

"I can hear you, Jerk!" Jessical called from the other room.

Eric sighed. "I feel sorry for her, you know. She's been off boys ever since that guy kidnapped her in highschool."

**FLASHBACK!**

"Eric! Come quick!" Some Stephen said as he jumped in through the window.

"I'm on the second floor. how did you get in here...?" Eric asked, but Stephen grabbed the front of his shirt.

"There's no time for that!" Stephen shouted. "Anthony Rohdes has kidnapped your sister!"

"What?" Eric asked. "Who's Anthony Rohdes?"

"That douchey guy who wears tracksuits to school everyday." Stephen said. "We've gotta save her!"

"Then let's suit up!" Eric said, and pushed Stephen out of his face.

They put on various articles of clothing on in a Suit Up Montage. I'd go into more detail, but it's not really important.

Stephen led Eric to Anthony Rohdes's hideout. "Oh by the way, he kidnapped her with ninjas." Stephen said while they were running.

"What?" Eric asked, stopping dead in his tracks.

"Yeah, he hired a bunch of Rent-a-ninjas." Stephen said as he turned around. "He got them on . Come on, we're almost there."

They snuck into Rohdes's lair. There, they saw Jessica shackled to a chain, hanging over a pool of lava.

"Help!" she cried out when she saw them. then they heard maniacal laughter.

Beyond the pool of lava was an old school egg chair. It spun around to show Anthony Rohdes, wearing an ugly green track suite and strokeing an ugly ass furless cat.

"Welcome, gentlemen." Rohdes said as ninjas flipped from the shadows into the light. "To your death!"

**End Flashback**

"Wait wait wait..." Stephen said. "I thought It was a pool of water, full of Piranhas."

"No it was a pool of lava." Eric said. "Don't you remember the fiery glow?"

I was too preoccupied with not getting killed by ninjas to notice." Stephen said.

"I thought it was full of Sharks." Jace said. "with laser eyes."

"You're all dicks!" Jessica called from the other room. "Anthony was my boyfriend, and you beat him up to keep him away from me."

"Aww, did you?" Jace asked Eric. "Major cock blockage, dude."

"I cock blocked no one!" Eric exclaimed.

Jessica came into the room. "It's because of you that I turned to girls in the first place!" She yelled at Eric.

"Aww, duuude, You cock blocked an entire generation, without them even knowing it!" Jace grinned, then turned to Stephen, who was looking stupidly out the window, "Right, bro?"

Stephen didn't respond. He was fixed on something moving outside the window. "Hello, home base to fuckface..." Jace said as he snapped his fingers in front of Stephen's face. Stephen suddenly pulled a skateboard out of nowhere.

"What the... where did you get that from?" Eric asked.

"It was in my inventory, duh." Stephen said before jumping through the window, shattering it.

"Ah maaaan, we just got that window replaced last week after Hyde was over here." Eric whined.

Ramona was a skating down the snowy road, leaving a trail of melted slush behind her. She had moved to this secluded backwater town to get away from it all. Away from her Exes. She was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the sound of a skateboard rolling up beside her.

"Hey, Ramona." Stephen said from is skateboard beside her.

"Do I know you?" She asked. She hoped she didn't.

"Yeah, you agreed to go on a date with me last night." He said, some how keeping up with her without pushing the board.

"Oh, right." She said, suddenly remembering.

"I'm in a band." he said. "We have a show tonight at the Dixie Pig."

"The Dixie Pig?" Ramona raised an eyebrow.

"It's an old abandoned warehouse." Stephen said, then rummaged through his pockets and pulled out a piece of paper with directions on it; all while still standing straight up op his board.

"So you'll come?" Stephen asked once he handed her the directions.

"I might." Ramona said. "Tree."

"What?" Stephen asked, before crashing into a tree.


	4. the show

**Disclaimer: Scott Pilgrim, The first seven evil exes, Gideon Graves, Ramona and Julie belong to Brian Lee. The rest belong to me.**

**Some people get crap for putting the lyrics of songs into they're stories. But I really wanted to do that, so I found a loophole. **

**Okay, first of all, the song that the Reapers play near the end of this chapter is called _Sugar_, and it was written my the band _System of a Down_. I didn't come up with the lyrics, they did.**

**Also, I'm having my characters sing the song, so it's actual dialogue, in script format. I put it in Script format because it would become monotonous to read it in normal format.**

**Lastly, It's actually part of the plot. It's important for the audience to get a feel of the tone of the Band and their styles, as well as know as when the band is interrupted. **

**Okay, now that I got that out of the way, enjoy the chapter / song rip off.**

**The Dixie Pig / Old Abandoned Warehouse**

The crowd of drunken teenagers had gathered at the old abandoned warehouse somewhere out in the fields between Ingersoll and Tilsonbourge. An illegal bar had been set up on a bunch of milk crates. Like, a lot of milk crates. and the stage had been set up on a pile of normal crates. The floor was strewn with hay.

John was setting up their amps for maximum kick-assitude, while Stephen, Jace and Hyde hung out at the bar.

"Okay, so what song are we starting off with?" Stephen asked as he sipped booze mixed with pepsi out of a red plastic cup.

"Well, I was thinking we play Graveyard Lawnmower first..." Hyde suggested.

"No way dudes." Jace told them "All the songs you guys make up are piles of horseshit. You gotta go with a song they already like, and try to sneak some of your own songs in there if you really want to."

"I thought you said you like our songs!" Stephen said, a betrayed look on his face.

"I like that metallized version of no Tomorrow you guys did, " Jace admitted. "but that's about it."

"Okay." Hyde said. "let's ask Eric what he thinks. Here he comes with that Japanese chick."

"She's Chinese." Stephen said as they walked up to meet Eric and Kawai. "how can you get that wrong? When people generalize Asians, they always assume they're Chinese."

"Well, I'm not like other people." Hyde said, his Orange-yellow eyes glowing ominously.

"Hi Stephen!" Kawai practically shouted.

"Hey." Eric said.

"Hi guys." Stephen said.

"Sup Kawai." Hyde said.

"who are you?" Kawai asked Hyde.

"Oh, That's right, you didn't see me at practice the other day." Hyde said, grinning. His mouth was full of dagger shaped, Razor shard teeth. Like a shark's teeth. His teeth are really sharp, is what I'm saying.

"He's Hyde." Eric said. "Hyde likes to hide under the couch when girls come over. he's... kind of a creeper."

Now, Eric wasn't technically lying. Hyde does do that, just not when Kawai was there. Yeah, he's a perv alright.

"Not cool, man." Hyde said, but Kawai didn't understand.

"Oh, he's shy!" she exclaimed. "that's so cuuuuute!"

Hyde grinned again, showing off his sharp ass teeth. "Hear that, Eric, She said I'm cute." He turned to Kawai. "Cuter then eric?"

Kawai laughed, shaking her head.

Then Stephen noticed a girl in the crowd out the corner of his eye. Her green hair shown bright against the yellow and blue strobe lights. Stephen ditched the illegal couple and the perverted demon to go stand next to her.

Ramona looked around, then saw Stephen staring at her, making her jump out of her boots. "Ah, gawd, don't sneak up on me like that." Ramona said.

"Sorry." Stephen said as he bent down to pick up her boots. "I get it from my brother."

They sat down on a bale of hay while Ramona tied up her boot laces. "I'm glad you came." Stephen said.

"In my faaaaaace." Hyde called from within the crowd.

"Who said that?" Ramona asked, looking around.

"Who said what?" Stephen said, trying not to laugh at what he thought of as Hyde's genius.

"Hmm, nevermind." Ramona said. "So, you were saying?"

"Oh, right, I'm glad you decided to show up." Stephen said. "I was afraid that you thought I was a total loser or something,"

"Well, I wouldn't call you a total loser, " Ramona said. "I barely know you."

"Well, would you like to get to know me better?" Stephen asked, getting his flirt on.

Then John called out to Stephen. "Dude, get up here! We're about to begin."

Stephen gave him a glare, fire literally coming out of his eyes. One guy even came over and lit a smoke on his eye fire.

"Thanks dude." The random smoker said.

"no problemo." Stephen growled. Then the fire went out in a puff of smoke.

Sorry, I gotta go up." Stephen said. "You'll stick around after the show, right?"

"Yeah." Ramona said. "Well, maybe. I won't if you guys make my ears bleed."

It was a joke, but for Stephen, the pressure was on.

"Alright." Stephen said, and walked to the stage.

"Alright." Stephen said to himself, taking long strides to the stage. "Alright, Alright, Alrighty then... Let's do this. Lets rock the stage. Lets rock the world. Or else you're gonna make her ears bleed. No, that was a joke. HAHA. But seriously, what if we make her deaf, and she'll never talk to me? Because she hates me, not just cause I made her deaf. No, that won't happen. Our amps aren't that loud. but what if she has a condition? A weak eardrum condition? Some sort of condition that makes her deaf when she listens to shitty music? Well, we just have to not suck. I can rely on John not to suck, but what about Eric. Eric fucks everything up! he even fucked up his sister's sex life forever. Well, he won't fuck up mine. I just have to carry the entire band with my sick ass drumming. Yeah, Stephen, this is your chance to shine. Time to show off for Ramona. Time to show off and make her like me. But not show off too much, or else she'll think I'm a douche. Okay. Okay. Okayokayoka. And why Am I on my stool now? Oh, we're palying now? Okay/ Alrighty then. Okey dokey. Let's do this."

"Are you ready!" Hyde shouted into the microphone.

The crowd roared.

"And then song we're going to play today is..." Hyde leapt into the air, turning into a swirling vortex of blackness. It looked like a small hurricane, floating above the stage. Yellow and Orange lightning shot out of the vortex as Eric reached his arm into the Swirling mass of darkness. He pulled out a Bass Guitar that looked like a replica of the Legendary Spider guitar, only in Bass format. There was a mouth growing out of the headstock. A mouth like a shark's mouth.

Eric put the headstock mouth to the mike, and Guitar Hyde shouted the word "SUGAR!"

Stephen played a startup beat on the drums that went like this.

* Ah Boom Boom Da De Boom*

And then they started singing. It sounded a little something like this.

John: _"The kombucha mushroom people,  
Sitting around all day,"_

Eric: _"Who could believe you,  
Who could believe you,"  
_

John: _"Let your mother pray, "_

Hyde:_ "Sugar!"_

Eric: _"Well I'm not there all the time you know  
Some people, some people, some people,  
Call me insane, yeah they call me insane," _

Hyde: "_Sugar_!"

John: _"I play Russian roulette everyday, a man's sport,  
With a bullet called life," _

Eric: _"yeah mama called life,"_

Hyde: _"Sugar!"_

John: _"You know that every time I try to go  
Where I really want to be,  
It's already where I am,  
Cause I'm already There!"  
_  
John: _"The kombucha mushroom people,  
Sitting around all day,"  
_

Eric: _"Who could believe you,  
Who could believe you,"  
_

John: _"Let your mother pray", _

Hyde: _"Sugar."_

John: _"I got a gun the other day from Sako,  
It's cute, small, fits right in my pocket,"_

Eric: _"Yeah, right in my pocket",_

Hyde: _"Sugar!"_

John Really Fast: _"People are always chasing me down,  
Trying to push my face to the ground,  
Where all they really want to do,  
Is suck out my mother fucking brains,"_

*Hyde Growls*

Stephen:_ "SUUUGGGAAARR!"_

John: _"The kombucha mushroom people,  
Sitting around all day,"_

Eric: _"Who could believe you,  
Who could believe you,"  
_

John: _"Let your mother pray,"_

John: "I sit,

_ in my desolate room,_

_ no lights,_

_ no music,_

_I'm away forever, but I'm feeling better!  
What do I feel, What do I say,  
Fuck you, it all goes away,  
What do I feel, What do I say,  
Fuck you, it all goes away,"_

John & Eric:" _How do I feel, What do I say,  
In the end it all goes away,  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
In the end it all goes away,  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
In the end it all goes away,  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
In the end it all goes away,"_

John, Eric, and Stephen: _"How do I feel, What do I say,  
In the end it all goes away,  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
In the end it all goes away,  
In the end it all goes away,  
In the end it all goes away,  
In the end it all goes away,  
In the end it all goes awa-"  
_

*crash*

**"RAVEN!"**

Stephen and Eric looked up to see a Persian guy flying right at Stephen. Eric and John dived to the side, and Stephen's drum set somehow slid off stage as well.

"wha-" Stephen was punched so hard he went flying back, crashing through three was, and collapsing into a crumpled heap against the fourth.


	5. Demon Hipster chicks

**Disclaimer: Scott Pilgrim, The first seven evil exes, Gideon Graves, Ramona and Julie belong to Brian Lee. The rest belong to me.**

This one had been easy. He hadn't even put up a fight. Mathew was never the one who took down a current boyfriend of Ramona's. Everyone always said that he was a pitiful, worthless sack of turds. But he had taken this one out with so much ease, that mabey Gideon would give him a promotion. Was there any position in the Legion he could attain that was at all better then his current one, yet still under Gideon? Maybe Gideon would make him his right hand man.

"Hey, Indian Caption Jack Sparrow!" Jace said as he pulled Mathew back by the shoulder. Mathew turned to face him, yet all he saw was the underside of a shoe, which seamed to explode into stars.

Jace roundhoused the Indian guy in the face, sending him flying up by the chin. Then brought his foot back down on his head, driveling it into the ground, sending up jagged floor boards. His legs went up in the air over his head.

"Fore!" Eric called out, raising Hyde Guitar over his head like a golf club, before bringing it down on Patel. Patel went flying into the crowed, and everyone scuttled away from him.

Patel got to his feet with a huff. "Hey, no fair!" he exclaimed. "This fight is between me and Stephen Raven."

"Wuh...?" Stephen mumbled as he stepped through the hole in the wall.

"You are Stephen Raven, aren't you?" Mathew asked.

"Yeah." Stephen said, clutching his throbbing head. "And who the hell are you?"

"I'm Mathew Patel." Mathew Patel said. "And I'm Ramona's first Evil Ex Boyfriend." he head up his finger and bobbed his head like a ghetto chick. Everyone looked at Ramona.

**Badass level has dropped two points.**

"What? How?" Mathew asked the little box over his head. The he remembered why he was here. "Stephen Raven, your fight is with me!" he shouted.

"What? Why do you wanna hurt me?" he asked. "did I drum_ that_ bad?"

Mathew lunged to the stage and tried to hit Stephen with a spinning kick, but he ducked under it. Stephen blocked one punch, then another. he grabbed Matt's wrist "So, we're fighting over Ramona?" he asked while he held him.

Mathew yanked his arm back. "Yeah, didn't you get my Tweet?"

"Eeeehhh... My phone got flushed down the toilet." Stephen said.

"Oh, I see." Mathew said, then kicked him in the face.

Stephen fell back, but Eric and Jace caught him. "If you continue to help him, I will be forced to bring the entire wrath of the Legion of Evil Exs down on you all!" Mahtew exclaimed.

"How can I beat him?" Stephen whimpered to Jace. "I'm not badass enough."

"Well, he's not very badass himself, what with the head swiveling and the pirate boots." Jace told Stephen before putting him back up on his feet.

"Hey, pirate boots are in this season." Mathew protested.

**Badass level has dropped four more points.**

"What the Heeeelllllll..." Mathew whined.

"Just remember." Jace reassured Stephen. "You're my brother, so you automatically get a lot of badass-ness by default."

"Okay, your right." Stephen said.

Mathew leapt into the air, bringing his left leg up. He meant to bring it down on Stephen's head, but Stephen caught it and delivered a bone shattering punch to Mathew's crotch. He yelped in pain as he staggered backwards. Stephen leapt up and started to kick Mathew in the chest. He made Mathew step backwards as he continued to kick him, somehow avoiding Gravity's pull.

**...7 hit, 8 hit, 9 hit, 10 hit, 11 hit, 12 hit...**

Stephen kicked Mathew across the dance floor, the audience moving out of their way. His legs began to ache, but he had to keep going or else Mathew would recover and start attacking again.

**...32 hit, 33 hit, 34 hit, 35 hit, 36 hit, 37 hit...**

"That's one hell of a combo kick." Hyde commented.

"Which will make the Combo breaker all the more intense." Jace said.

**...42 hit, 43 hit, 44 hi-**

Mathew caught Stephen's wrist, and his over hand caught on fire.

"Oh fu-" was all Stephen could say as Mathew's fireball sent him flying back.

**C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!**

Stephen flipped backwards as he fell. he landed on his two feet and one hand, skidding across the floor. Mathew rose into the air, Fireballs in each hand, and a musical tune came from nowhere, filling the club/warehouse.

"What the hell is that song?" Jace asked, and Eric said, "It sounds like Bollywood music..."

Jace and John stared at him. "What? I like the acting..."

"That's Right!" Patel called out. "But like any musical scene, I need Backup Dancers!"

Mathew Patel's Demonic Hipster chicks appeared-

**Badass Level has risen by 3 points**

-and they started dancing.

Badass meter dropped by five points.

Mathew hurled two fireballs at Stephen, who ducked and dodged them. Mathew threw a third, while still singing and dancing in the air. Stephen did a sick ass backflip, kicking the fireball up into the ceiling while he did so.

"Hmm, that seamed effective..." Stephen said.

Mathew did a dance move that looked like he was petting an invisible dog while screwing in an invisible lightbulb, and the four Demon Chicks started throwing fireballs as well.

"Those demon chicks are kinda hot..." The now humanoid Hyde said.

Stephen cartwheeled past Hyde, constantly kicking a consistent barrage of fireballs into the air as he went.

"More Fire!" Mathew yelled, as he and his demons shot fireballs rapidly.

"How is he even doing all this?" Kawai asked Ramona. "I mean, how is he flying, shooting fireballs, and summoning dancing demons?"

"He has mystical powers." Ramona answered flatly.

"Those cheerleader outfits don't look very mystical." Jessica commented, referring to the demon hipster chicks.

Stephen was spinning so fast be began to look like a wheel of fire, with him as the spokes, and a tire of... fire. That sounded lame, but anyway. Jace caught his spinning brother, and whipped him around.

"You've got your backup now, so I think it's fair if I lend my little brother a hand." Jace said as threw the wheel of fire at Patel. Stephen bounced off all of the Demon Hipster Chicks like a ball in a Pinball machine caught between three bumpers, before crashing into Mathew, sending him to the floor.

"Okay, now it's just you..." Stephen said. "... and me."

Stephen waited for Mathew to rise to his feet and catch his breath, then they charged at eachother. Mathew looked very energetic, but Stephen noticed that his health bar was quit low. It would only take one more hit to finish him off. Unfortunatly, Stephen's Health was low as well. This was it. Sudden death. Mano E Mano. Dog eat do-

Mathews fist went for Stephens face, so Stephen reflexively ducked and kicked his legs out from under him. Mathew fell to the floor and Stephen put his knees on his chest. He noticed that there was still a sliver of health left in Matt's bar.

"Any last words?" Stephen asked, his fist raised.

"If your chin had balls on it, I'd punch them." Mathew spat.

"That's pretty weird." Stephen said, Punching Mathew's face.

Mathew burst into Coins. "Did I win?" Stephen asked, before fainting.


	6. Romance

**Scott Pilgrim and the World he fights belongs to Brian Lee**

**And also, I did just see the movie, but I would like to find the comic. I know that Roxie is half ninja, and that the twins build a robot, but in all honesty I like the techno mystical dragon idea better. maybe I can fit a robotic Hydra in there somewhere? I dunno. **

**And ARC-1140, You have seen into my mind. Are you a Vegan?**

The Crowd roared. This had been one Hell of a show.

Eric grabbed Stephen's shoulders and tried to get him to sit up. "Steve, speak to me Steve." Kawai knelt down next to him, and Jace swept up the coins.

Stephen mumbled something.

"What is it, Steve?" Eric put his ear to Stephen's mouth.

"D-d-don't..." Stephen mumbled.

"Don't what?" Eric asked. Jessica came and knelt down on the other side from Kawai.

"Don't... Don't call me Steve." He mumbled.

Stephen sat up, and His cousins pulled him to his feet. Ramona ran up to him.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

"yeah, I'm fine." Stephen replied. "Just a little singed."

Eric noticed Hyde making out with one of the Demon Chicks in the corner. "Hey man, not cool!" Eric called out to him.

"What the hell was that?" Jessica asked Ramona.

"What was what?" Ramona replied.

"That whole... fiery demonic... shit..." Jessica stammered. "And why was he fighting Stephen over you?"

"Eh? We were fighting for you?" Stephen asked.

Ramona sighed. "Listen, Stephen, is there somewhere we can go to talk privately?"

"Yeah, we can just leave... I guess." Stephen said. "Do you have a car?"

Ramona hesitated. "I have a... I have something better."

"Umm, okay..." Stephen said. Then he turned to Jessica and his band "Guys, I'll see you later."

John nodded, Jace and Eric said "Bye" and Hyde paid no attention. "Are you sure?" Jessica asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine, and I'll be good and... Stuff..." Stephen muttered.

"Okay." Jessica said, and smiled.

Stephen turned to Ramona. "Okay, let's go."

"Alright." Ramona said and turned to the exit. After a few steps, she turned back to Stephen, who hadn't moved an inch.

"Well?" Ramona said, raising an eyebrow.

"My shoes are glued to the floor." Stephen said. Ramona looked down at his feet, and sure enough, the heat from the fireballs had melted the plastic soles of his shoes, and he was now stuck.

"Gaaah! My feet are freezing." Stephen said as he walked through the snow in his socks.

"It's not far." Ramona told him.

"So, like, do you have a truck or a bike or something, or..." Stephen trailed off when they came to a white door, just standing on it's own, in the middle of the field.

"C'mon." Ramona said, walking up to the door.

"There's nothing behind that door." Stephen said, tilting his head to the side.

"Oh. It's a subspace door." Ramona explained, but Stephen just stood there. "Just come."

Stephen followed her through it, and there was a weird tingling sensation, followed by spinning, and he dropped to his knees. They were suddenly in a house.

"What the...?" Stephen said. Then he fell to the floor.

"Are you okay?" Ramona asked.

"yeah, I'm good. Just a little dizzy." Stephen said. "I like your rug."

Then he got up, and sat on Ramona's couch. he looked down at his bare socks, which were full of holes. "I'm going to need to buy new shoes." he comented.

"Yeah, um, sorry about that." Ramona said, sitting next to him. "He was my boyfriend. For about a week."

"Oh." Stephen said. "That explains so much. he said he was the First Evil Ex Boyfriend. I assume there are others?"

"Yeah." Ramona told him. "They always come after me whenever I find a new boyfreind,"

Stephen perked. "So, uh, that mean's I'm your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, why?" Ramona asked.

"Well, I uh, for a while I thought you hated me." Stephen admitted.

"Well, I don't." Ramona told him. "In fact, I think you're very cute."

Ramona smiled. Stephen felt his heart beat against his ribs. He leaned in to kiss her, and little hearts sprang up from where they kissed. They began to make out on Ramona's couch.

**Meanwhile, at the Mega-Destro Durby...**

"Mathew has failed." Gideon called out to his Legion of Evil Exes.

"Okay, that means I'm next." Lucas Lee said, stepping out into the spot light. (literally and Metaphorically)

"Don't let your ego get in the way, Lee." Gideon advised him.

"I won't." Lucas said. " I'll just kick his ass at the skateboarding tournament in Woodstock."

"Before or after you beat him during the competition?" Gideon asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Before." Lucas said, nodding. Then laughter rang out from the shadows.

"Yeah, good idea, Lee." Someone in the shadows snorted out. "It was only too easy to trick you into doing that bind back in Toronto."

"Shut up, Pilgrim, it was a Grind."

**AN:**

**Don't criticize me on the quality of the romance in this chapter. I've only had so much experience with this sort of thing, so there.**

**And also, I did just see the movie, but I would like to find the comic. I know that Roxie is half ninja, and that the twins build a robot, but in all honesty I like the techno mystical dragon idea better. maybe I can fit a robotic Hydra in there somewhere? I dunno. **

**And ARC-1140, You have seen into my mind. Are you a Vegan?**


	7. training

**Scott Pilgrim and the World he fights belongs to Brian Lee.**

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

**Level Four **(finally)

Stephen woke up the next morning in a bed he didn't recognize. "What the hell?" he asked. "Why am I naked..." Then he looked over to his right and saw a severed horse head tucked into the sheets next to him.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Stephen cried as he sat up straight in his bed, er, couch. Okay, it was Ramona's couch.

"What's wrong?" Ramona asked. She was standing in the doorway in her pajamas.

"Nothing, it's just a nightmare." Stephen said.

Ramona sat down on the couch next to him. "I'm sorry about what happened last night at the club." She told him. "I should have given you fare warning."

"No, it's fine." Stephen said. "I just have one question."

"Okay, shoot." She said.

"That, guy, he said he was your first evil ex-boyfriend." Stephen said.

"Evil Ex." Ramona corrected him.

"Okay, well, does that mean that there are other Exes?" Stephen asked.

Ramona nodded.

"Other Exes that could get jealous and fight me too?" Stephen asked after gulping.

"Yeah, that might happen..." Ramona said.

Stephen's face paled, then he asked, "But none of the other guys have mystical powers, do they?"

"Okay." Stephen said, slumping into the couch. "So after that guy, the rest should be a piece of cake."

Ramona cleared her throat. "Well, actually..."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Later, Stephen had told Jace about the Legion of Evil Exes.

"And apparently, each one will be tougher then the last." He said as they entered their house.

"Yeah, and you were barely able to take on that pirate guy." Jace said. "All the readers say that there's no way you'll be able to take on the rest of them."

"Yeah, I need to figure out how to be more badass" Stephen moaned, crashing onto the couch. "Wait, what readers?"

"Nevermind. Listen, I know a way we can get you up to the next level of awesomeness." Jace told his brother.

"But how?" Stephen asked. "I've got to go to Woodstock in two days. For the Skate Games."

"Well, it just so happens that I know a quick and cheap-ass way to Level Up in a day." Jace said, putting a hand on his brother's arm. "Any other way would take months to reach that power level."

"Really? what?" Stephen asked.

"Well, we just cut to a montage." Jace said, and they did.

0o0o0o0o0

Jace blared "Eye of the Tiger" on his Stereo as Stephen began to do pushups.

o0o0o0o0o00o

They strapped a harness to Stephen's back, and had him pulled old man Jenkins's Sleigh through the knee high snow. His legs burned, but his back burned more because Hyde wouldn't stop whipping him.

"Is that really necessary?" Stephen moaned as another whip cracked through the air.

"Hurry, man!" Hyde shouted, flailing the whip about. "Old Man Jenkins's is hot on our tail."

True enough, the Amish farmer was chasing them atop his horse.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Stephen ran up a massive flight of stairs towards a Greek style building with marble pillars.

o0o0o0o0o0o0

Hyde held a lighter up to his mouth, faceing Stephen, who looked like he was about to piss his pants.

Jace nodded to him, and Hyde flicked the lighter on and spit into the flame. A huge cloud of fire shot at Stephen, who dived to the side and rolled, dodging the inferno by inches.

"Nononono..." Jace said, shaking his head. "You're supposed to _block_ the fire, not_ dodge_ it."

o0o00o0o00o

Jace glanced at Stephen. They stood in an wide alley with brick walls. Then he turned the other way and began running. He Ran a few meters before turning and running alongside the wall horizontally, before leaping off and flipping through the air. He landed on the other wall and ran along that as well, before landing back on the ground again.

"Okay, now you do it." Jace said once he caught his breath.

"Okay." Stephen nodded, then began to run. He tried to turn, but instead he crashed headfirst into the pavement, leaving a skid mark in the concrete. He slid to a stop with his feet over his head.

Jace sighed.

o0o0o0o0o0

Jace and Stephen dueled with Katana swords while balancing on bamboo stalks. Their blades were a blur, sparks flying every time they made contact.

"Hey Jace." Stephen said, huffing and puffing from the effort.

"Yeah?" Jace responded, still slashing and jabbing.

"Where did we get these Katanas?" Stephen asked, blocking his sword.

"It doesn't matter." Jace said.

o0o0o0oo0o

Jace held a stopwatch, and looked at Stephen, who was sitting at the kitchen table. There were several pies infront of him.

"Okay, now GO!" Jace said, clicking the stopwatch. Stephen plunged his face into the pies.

o0o0o0o0o00o0o

Stephen continued to run up the marble steps. They seamed endless to him. Almost as if they got farther with every step he took.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Stephen and Jace played Tekken, and he made sure to memorize every single move.

o0o0o0o0o

Stephen jumped into the brick wall in the alley, then kicked off of it, turning in the air. He landed against the opposite wall, and leapt off of that as well. He continued to wall jump until he reached the top of the building. Or, at least he would have, unless Jace hadn't yelled "DODGE!" whipped that wrench at his head.

o0o0o000o

Stephen ran through the streets wearing a hoodie. He was chasing Jace, who was sitting in the back of Jessica's pickup truck, holding a pop tart on the end of a fishing rod.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Stephen ran up the marble steps. he was almost to the pillars.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Jace had Stephen cut down a tree._ With a hockey stick._

"THIS-"

*CHOP*

"-IS-"

*CHOP*

"- BULL-"

*CHOP*

"-SHIT!"

o0o0o0o0o0o0

Jace put a basket of live grenades into a tennis ball launcher. He also nailed Stephen's shoes to the floor. Stephen had to duck and lean to the side, and ignore the explosions behind him.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Stephen and Jace connected two playstations to two TVs, and fought each other in Street Fighter with their hands while fighting eachother in Mortal Kombat with their toes.

"Hey Jace, shouldn't it be called Mortal Combat, instead of Mortal Kombat?" Stephen asked.

"What the Hell are you talking about?" Jace snapped, his concentration waning.

"Combat, with a 'C', not with a 'K'. " Stephen said, hadoukening the shit out of Jace's character while simultaneously performing a Fatality with his toes.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Stephen finally reached the top of the step, and threw his hands in the air in victory. Stephen "WHOOOO"ed then rested his hands on his knees, leaning over to catch his breath.

"Good job, my young padawan..." Jace said, stepping out from behind a pillar. "Now there is only one test left."

"What?" Stephen asked, exhausted. "You... you said this was the last... the last one..."

"Yeah, well, I lied." Jace said nonchalantly. "Now fight me."

A glowing blue "VS" sign apeared in the air between them, and Stephen had no choice but to raise his fists against his brother.

Instead of fighting Stephen outfront, Jace instead spin kicked a stone pillar, making it fall towards Stephen. Stephen had no time to react. He couldn't dodge. He reflexively caught the marble pillar, however, impressed by how much his strength had improved. He thrusted to back towards Jace, who simple ran into it, his fist outstretched in front of him. He reduced the pillar to white dust and rubble as he piledrived into Stephen, but he caught Jace's marble shattering punch with one hand, so Jace swung his other fist. Stephen went flying, crashing through three pillars without slowing down. he went out through the ceiling of the building and landed on the roof.

Stephen rose to his feet panting like a dog. He limped over to the hole that he had crashed out through and looked over the edge. Jace suddenly came flying out of the hole, trying to uppercut Stephen right in the chin. Stephen leaned backwards at the last moment and kicked Jace in the stomach, sending him flipping backwards to the other side of the hole. then he leapt after him.

"Think fast, dipshit." Stephen said as he did a Spinning Saw Kick, only for Jace to grab him by the ankle and smash him into the roof like a hammer. Then he brought Stephen up and flung him down the hole. Stephen fell between two marble pillars, ricocheting off both of them. He bounced off each of the pillars, the constant bombardment making it hard to regain his composure. Then Stephen suddenly put his feet to each pillar, doing the splits as he slid to a halt.

"Wow..." Stephen's flexibility had improved as well.

Stephen then put his hands against one beam, and shifted himself so that his back was to that beam and feet were against the other. the pillar his feet were against was broken above him. It didn't connect to the ceiling, but the one to his back did. Jace dropped down and landed on the top of the pillar Stephen was looking at.

"C'mon!" Jace shouted.

Stephen pushed against the pillar, and he heard it rumble as it began to fall like that tree he had cut down. Stephen ran up the beam as it fell, while Jace just stood there with his arms crossed He was somehow standing upright the whole way. Stephen tried to punch his brother in the face, but Jace grabbed his shoulders, and somehow flipped over him. jace let go and flipped in the air before kicking Stephen in the back, sending him flying off the falling marble pillar.

Stephen flew out over the white steps he despised so, and landed in the park beyond the Greek building, which was full of benches. He got up and turned to buildin Jace was in, but didn't see his brother anywhere.

"Jace?" Stephen asked, then felt someone tap him on the shoulder. he turned around to see his brother somehow standing right there, followed by a close up of his brother's fist in his face. Stephen flew backwards and crashed into a bench. The bench slid backwards and crashed into other benches, making a big pile of them.

Stephen sat up on the bench and crossed his legs. "Alright, you're obviously not holding back anymore, so show me what you really got." he said, leaning forward.

Jace looked at a sign pole he was standing next to. It said "clean up after your dog," and it had a picture of a dog taking a dump. Jace grabbed the metal pole the sign was on, then kick right through the very base, severing the metal pole.

"C'mon, Bro, give it up." Jace said as he swung the sign around like an axe-staff.

"No way, Bro." Stephen replied.

"okay then..." Jace said, turning around. he walked past a trashcan, then kicked it at Stephen. Stephen leapt into the air, but Jace was there to meet him with the sign axe. he dodged Jace's double slash and landed on the ground. Stephen then looked back a Jace, who was sitting on the bench at the top of the pile.

"You got a little... something, here." Jace said, gesturing to his chest as he leaned back.

Stephen looked down to see his hoodie had two gashes in the front, which formed an X. He smirked and took off his hoodie, throwing it to the ground.

Jace leapt to Stephen, flying through the air. Stephen just stood there until the very last second, as Jace brought down the razor sharp edge of the park sign to his neck. Stephen suddenly ducked and grabbed the pole. He swung Jace around. Jace let go and went flying, but Stephen somehow caught up to him and grabbed his ankle. He pulled Jace back, then punched him into the ground, making a four foot wide crater in the ground.

**K.O.**


	8. woodstock

**Scott Pilgrim and the World he fights belongs to Brian Lee.**

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Jessica opened up her laptop, and opened up her GPS tracking system. She had been worried about Stephen when he left the Dixie Pig last night, and knowing his stuborn nature, decided to put a tracking beacon on his collar. She thought there had been a glitch when the blip went off the map for a second, only to appear several miles away the next instant. But she had tracked the beacon down, and found that he had gone to Ramona's house after all. Jessica put the laptop on the passenger seat of her truck and looked out the truck window at Ramona's house. Ramona was turning off all the lights, getting ready for bed.

Jessica crouched in the branches of a tree in Ramona's back yard. She was at just the right height and angle to see into Ramona's bed room. Jessica bit her lip as Ramona began to open her closet. She didn't even close her blinds, and she knew there was a tree directly outside her window. It was if she wanted people to watch her undress.

"Hey, this is my peeping spot." Someone uttered a harsh whisper right in her ear, causing her to lose balance and almost fall out of the tree. "Go get your own."

"Hyde!" Jessica whispered with fury in her voice. She'd be shouting if it wouldn't give her away. "What? Are you? Doing? Here?"

"The same thing your doing." Hyde told her. "But since you're here, I was wondering if you could do me a little favor..."

Hyde transformed into a black bra. "This is her size, right?" he asked from some hidden mouth.

"I think so, but what are you doing?" Jessica asked.

"I need you to stretch me out like an elastic band, and shoot me into that open window." Bra Hyde told her.

"So what? She can wear you?" Jessica asked with a sense of disgust.

"Yep." Hyde said. "I've never tried this before."

"Sure." Jessica said, and she stretched him out and shot him into the neighbor's yard. A dog came by and bit Hyde, and began shake him around, ripping him to pieces.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

**********LEVEL FIVE**

The next day, Jessica pulled up her truck infront of Stephen's house. He walked out the door, with Ramona in tow.

"And before Amazon, I worked at the American Ninja Delivery Store." Ramona told him.

"Wow, you delivered ninjas?" he asked in disbelief. "I bet they were hard to carry, what with all the kicking."

"What, no, I meant.-" Ramona was interrupted by a dog barking from the back of Jessica's trunk.

"Ready to go?" Jessica asked. She had agreed to drive Stephen and Ramona to Woodstock for the skateboarding competition.

"Yeah." Ramona said as she petted the black dog's head. "What's your dog's name?" She asked.

"My dog?" Jessica asked as the dog began to lick Ramona's face and neck. "What dog.?"

The dog leapt off the truck and onto Ramona. It tried to lick her chest and started humping her leg.

"Down!" Stephen yelled as he grabbed the dog by the scruff of it's neck. "Bad dog! Down!"

The dog glowed an orangey glow, and it turned into Hyde. "Sorry my bad."

Ramona's immediate response was to pull an impossibly large mallet out of her small round purse and smash Hyde over the head with it.

"How did you do that?" Stephen asked. The mallet was much longer then the small round star purse that it had been pulled out of.

"It's a subspace purse." Ramona explained, as if that was supposed to explain anything.

"Ah, I see." Stephen said as they got in the truck, not understanding in the slightest.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

They drove to Woodstock on the 401 highway. Stephen and Hyde sang some annoying songs. After about an hour, Stephen reached forward and tapped Jessica on the shoulder.

"Hey, Jessy, is there a gas station up ahead, I gotta go." He whispered.

"I don't think so..." Jessica said, and a few moments later they passed the off ramp to a roadside food court.

"Hey, you passed it." Stephen wined.

"Oops, sorry." Jessica said sarcastically.

"C'mon, I need'ta piss!" Stephen whispered furiously.

"Okay, I'll just pull over at the side of the road..."

"No way, I can't just take a leak in front of Ramona." Stephen pleaded.

"Dude, I don't see what the big deal is, you've pissed out the window before." Hyde commented out loud. Stephen threw Hyde out the open window, and he turned into an armadillo and rolled up into a ball to withstand the force of the road.

"Okay, please, her's a gas station..." Stephen whined, as Ramona giggled at his failure to be subtle. "...aaaand you just past it. What the Hell, Jessica?"

"Sorry, but I gotta keep my eye on the road." She lied.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

When they got to Woodstock, Jessica stopped at an intersection. She stopped long enough for Stephen to escape from the car and run into a fastfood restaurant for a piss.

Jessica drove Hyde and Ramona to a motel, figuring that Stephen could find his own way to the tournament. She checked them into two motel rooms for the night.

"There, one for the girls, and one for the boys." Jessica said triumphantly.

Hyde tapped her on the shouldeer "Uh, Jessy, Don't you think that Stephen might wanna sleep with his girlfriend tonight, don't you?"

"What? Why?" She turned to Ramona. "You haven't started fucking my cousin already, have you?"

Ramona blinked. "I, no, I mean, last night we slept together, but we didn't have sex or anything..."

Jessica tried to looked surprised, even though she already knew that. Because she had spied on them.

"Well, your not gonna fuck'im tonight, are ya?" She asked nonchalantly.

"Well, not unless-" Jessica grabbed her as if they were old friends. "GREAT! We can have a girls only night together." Jessica exclaimed cheerfully, pulling her into the room while flipping off Hyde behind Ramona's back.

She slammed the door behind them as Ramona pulled out her cellphone. Her ringtone was a song by Prodigy. "Oh, It's Stephen." She said. "He says '_DON'T TRUST MY COUSIN. SHE'S VERY GAY AND WANTS TO GET INTO YOUR PANTS_.' what is he talking about?"

"Um... he's lying." Jessica said, sweat running down her forehead.

Ramona gave her a judging glare. "Really?"

"Yeah." Jessica said, then fell face first on the bed. "I'm not gay, I'm Bi."

"LIES!" Hyde called from the other side of the door.

Jessica abruptly stood up, opened the door, kicked Hyde in the nuts, slammed the door in his face, and flopped back down to the bed.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Ramona, Hyde, and Jessica met Stephen at the entrance to the stadium a while later.

"Here's your board." Jessica said as she handed him a skateboard. The underside of his deck had a picture of the Grim Reaper on it.

Thanks he replied, then Jessica shoved a pile of pads and a helmet into his arms as well.

"And Aunt Hilary wanted me to make sure you wore these." Jessica told him.

"Aww, Mom knows I don't need this stuff." Stephen whined. "and they weigh a ton..." Stephen trailed off when he saw a note from his brother inside the helmet.

"Look, she said she'll be watching, so just wear 'em!" Jessica exclaimed.

"You never know, you might need them." Ramona said when she noticed a certain name on the sign up list.

"Hey, I'm not gonna fall to my death or anything." Stephen told her. "I'm better then that."

"Yeah, but he's probably better then you." Ramona said, pointing to the name of _Lee, Lucas_.

They entered the Stadium, and Ramona pointed out the massive man doing one handed pushups while people begged for his autograph.

"That's Lucas Lee.I broke up with Matt when I met him." Ramona said. "I thought I saw his trailer in the parking lot."

"The one with the big blue 2 on it?" Jessica asked, and Ramona nodded.

It took a couple of moments for Stephen to piece the clues together.

That's your second Evil Ex Boyfriend?" Stephen asked Ramona. "He's huge!"

"Stephen, Just call him an Evil Ex." Ramona corrected him.

"Yeah, if the last guy turned into a big red demon in his final form, then this guys final form would be a big blue gorilla." Hyde commented.

"That's a strangely specific comparison." Ramona said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, Hyde, not everyone is a shape shifter." Stephen said, then he paled. "Ramona, where any of your ex boyfriends shape shifters?"

"No," ramona said. "bu-"

She was cut off by the roar of the blast of the announcer's voice over the stage speakers.

Hello, folks, " A middle aged man said over the microphone. "I'm Old White Collar sophisticated Disembodied Announcer Voice."

"Wazzup dude!" A young, energetic, probably Californian accented voice said over the micophone. I'm Young Blue Collar Disembodied Announcer Voice! And welcome to the Annual Skate Off competition!"

"Sponsored by PowerDrink." The Older Disembodied Announcer Voice said.

"Sellouts." Young Disembodied Announcer Voice muttered.

"Let's get this game on the road!" Old Announcer said.

"Okay, let's introduce the Judges." The young hip announcer said. "From left to right, they're the Ego, the Super Ego, and the Id."

There were three judges, armed with markers and white boards. There was a chilled out looking bald man to the left, a bored looking British guy on the right, and between them a woman who looked hyped up on prozac.

Ramona turned to Stephen. "Stephen, eventually, your going to have to face Lucas... Stephen?"

It's just a cardboard cutout." Jessica explained, tipping the two dimensional Stephen over. "He ran away a while ago."

"He doesn't have to go up for a few hours." Hyde said. "He'll be back."

"yeah, but I think that the only way he can win is if he beats Lucas at skateboarding." Ramona explained. "and Lucas is going to try to beat him up before the game."

"Then we have to make sure Lucas is preoccupied." Hyde grinned.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Ricky walked across the field to the coffee shop, holding his skateboard over his shoulder. This competition was gonna be easy, He just had to do some tricks. Lucas Lee, the big movie star, was in the running, but everyone knew he wasn't here to win so much as to promote his new movie, Die for the Sake of Dieing, or some shit like that, Ricky didn't pay attention. But Ricky did notice something a few yards away, just sitting in the grass. A pack of cigarettes and a pepperoni sausage, just sitting there in the grass. The peperoni wasn't even touching the dirt, it was in a plastic bag.

"Hehehe, Score." Ricky said as he bent down to pick it up. Someone was a major sucker. The ground suddenly gave away under his feet, and Ricky fell into a dark pit.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Bam was about to go up. This guy who was in the bowl at the moment was a piece of shit. He was gonna show 'em how it's done. Then he felt something tighten around his foot and pull it out from under him. Bam's head hit the tiled floor, and everything went black.

"Here he comes." Jessica whispered.

Jessica and Ramona stood at either side of the intersecting halls, a rope help between them. It was loose on the floor, but when a man walked past, they pulled it taut. The man's foot caught on the rope, and he fell down on his face.

"Is he out cold?" Ramona asked.

"What...what the hell?" the man said as he sat up. Jessica broke a bat over his head.

"Now he is." Jessica said, the end half of the bat hanging from a splinter.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Rodger got a text from his buddy. The three guys that were supposed to go before him couldn't be found, so he had to get to the stadium or be disqualified. Rodger ran out of the coffee shop only to be grabbed by a pair of giant black talons and be whisked away into the sky.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The guy who had originally been meant to go before Lee walked into a porapotty not far from the stadium. Hyde came up behind the stall and kicked it over. '_We're clear."_ Hyde texted Ramona.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Stephen was hiding in the bathroom stall like a little bitch. Eventually, he would have to go out there and shred it up, and hopefully Lucas would just burst into coins when he won. But if Stephen had to face Lucas in a fair, fist to fist fight, Stephen was fucked. the man was a tank. A tank in a tight black T shirt and jeans.

"Stupid Sexy Lucas..." Stephen muttered, and speak of the devil, someone kicked the men's room door down. Stephen brought his legs up and put his feet on the seat so he couldn't se his shoes, but the man just ripped the stall door off it's hinges.

"Hey, man, what if I had been taking a crap?" Stephen shouted, but the attitude was just reflex. He was scared shitless, so there was no way he could shit any more. Lucas shut him up by grabbing his collar and throwing him against the mirror. The mirror shattered on impact, and Stephen found that his head was in the sink.

Lucas grabbed him again, hold him up as his feet dangled. "Listen, dickhead, this time I'm gonna be the one to date Ramona." He told him through clenched teeth. "I'm the one, I'm an A lister, and I need her. I can get lots o' chicks, because I'm a movie star, but the only one I want is Ramona. I don't care if I have to have to fight Gideon and the rest of the League for her. I can take them on."

Lucas pulled back his fist to knock Stephen the fuck out, but then he got a message on his phone. It was from one of his stunt men. He had to go up early, because everyone else hadn't showed up.

"Bullshit." Lucas muttered, and dropped Stephen to the floor. "I'll finish you later." He said over his shoulder as he skated out the bathroom.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

**Author's Note**

**Sorry about the epic lateness of this update. School is very distracting.**


	9. SkateOff

**Scott Pilgrim and the World he fights belongs to Brian Lee.**

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

As Lucas was shredding in the bowl, Stephen met up with the others at the motel.

"He's a monster!" Stephen exclaimed. Hyde gave him a look.

"No, I don't mean like you, Hyde, but like the Hulk or something." Stephen explained.

"He's just really big." Jessica tried to calm him down. "It's not like he's has mystical magic, psychic powers, ninja training, a killer robot, a sword or love that was turned to hatred. He's not a shapeshifter or a vampire. He's just really really strong."

"your right." Stephen said, and picked up his helmet. "I just have to be stronger."

"That's the Attitude." Hyde said, then muttered to Jessica "I'll put down twenty that he doesn't last five seconds."

"Where are you going?" Ramona asked as Stephen made for the door.

"I'm just going out to practice a bit more before I have to go up there." Stephen explained. "And maybe Subway. Do you want something from Subway?"

"You could bring me back a cookie, I guess." Ramona told him.

"Okay, I'm off." Stephen said, and started skating down the street.

Jessica ordered a pizza, and an hour passed.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

There was a sudden knock at the door. Hyde went to answer it and the white glow from outside was blocked by a huge, muscular shadow.

"Uhhh..." Hyde stuttered.

The giant man stepped forward, and Ramona saw that it was Lucas Lee.

I'm here to kick bubblegum and chew ass, and..." Lucas said."...wait, fuck. Hold on." He put his elbow to the doorframe and rested his brow on his knuckle, trying to remember the way it went.

"look, is Stephen Raven here?" The giant man asked.

"Umm, he's over at the-" Hyde was interrupted by Ramona shoving her hand over his mouth.

He's getting ready to skate, Lucas, so you can't fight him." She told her Second Ex Boyfriend. "You'll be disqualified."

"How do you figure that, Ramona?" Lucas asked.

"The judges will find out that you kicked his ass, and think you were trying to take out the competition." She said, hand still on Hyde's mouth.

Lucas looked at Ramona, then at Hyde, and then to Jessica. "Fine, but he's dead meat after this." He said, then slammed the door shut.

Ramona pulled her hand off of Hyde's mouth to see it covered in slobber.

"Were you licking my hand?" She asked in disgust.

"Well, It didn't taste as good as... other parts of you..." Hyde sneered, and received a mallet to the face for his remark.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

**Meanwhile, back in Ingersoll**

**(fun fact, still a crap-ass town.)**

Eric walked down the street with Kawai. The snow was beginning to melt, and slush lined the streets, but it everyone knew that it would come back with a vengeance in November.

"Eric?" Kawai asked. "You seam to feel really strained lately. Is anything wrong?"

"No, nothings wrong." Eric lied. he was getting worried about the difference in their age lately. Eric opened the door for Kawai, and they stepped into his house. It was cool that John was away, over in London for the weekend.

"You sure?" Kawai asked. " I mean, you looked shook up the night that Indian guy attacked your cousin with fireballs."

"No, I'm fine." He replied.

"Right. Well, I think I know what can loosen you up..." She whispered seductively, reaching for his belt.

"No! Kawai! we can't." Eric told her.

"Why not?" Kawai pouted.

"Your only 17-"

"I'll be 18 in a week!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, but until then..."

"Eric, do you really think that I'd rat you out to anyone?" Kawai said sternly. "I'd never do that to you. Please I want this once before I'm legal. It's exciting for me..."

Eric sighed. "Okay."

Kawai glomped him.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Lucas didn't go after Stephen after what Ramona had said, and Stephen had been able to train in peace. Stephen walked out onto the court, carrying his board. Ramona was by his side, carrying his helmet and pads.

"Remember to wear these." she told him as she handed him his gear. "I don't want you to spill your brains out across the pavement." she kissed him, and it took a while for him to let go of her. The crowd cheered at this. Ramona walked back to the stands as Stephen strapped on his elbow pads and knee pads. The crowd booed at this. Stephen looked over at the judges as he put on his helmet. The man on the left gave him a nod, and the woman in the middle gave him an eager thumbs up. The British guy wasn't even paying attention. Stephen also saw Lucas Lee beyond the judges, who slid a finger across his throat in a menacing gesture.

Stephen went into the bowl, wearing his helmet and pads. He slid along the wall, and flew when he went over the lip. Stephen grabbed his board, then went back down. he was making a serious effort to stay balanced as he went over the next lip. "He was right". Hyde commented from the stands. He was sitting next to Ramona and Jessica, eating out of a bag of popcorn. "He does look like a total loser wearing that gear." Ramona slapped Hyde over the head.

Stephen finished his run with a 360, landing perfectly on the tarmac.

The judges gave him an 8, a 7, and a 9. When Lucas had went, he ad gotten a 7 an 10, and another 7.

"OMIGOD!" Young Blue Collar Announcer Voice exclaimed. "Never in the History of the Skate-Off has anyone gotten a Tie!"

"Indeed." Old white collar announcer voice agreed. "Looks like they'll have to have a sudden death Jousting round.

"Huh?' Stephen and Lucas said in unison.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

They stood on either side of the halfpipe, the wind blowing against their faces dramatically. Stephen made eye contact with Lucas, and he knew that it was all or nothing. He unstrapped his elbow pads and knee pads, and threw them in a pile. The wood under the pile began to splinter and creak. Then he threw his helmet onto the pile, which crashed through the wooden platform.

"Training weights..." Ramona muttered. "Was he wearing those the whole time?"

Each skater stepped onto his board, and they leaned forward, plummeting into the halfpipe. They passed eachother at the bottom and went up the other side into the air. Stephen did a kickflip before turning around and going down again, while Lucas spun in the air.

_Damn._ Stephen thought. _A double 360. I have to do better._

Stephen went into the air and kicked his board, making it spin vertically instead of horizontally like normal. It turned once, twice, three times before Stephen took it and returned to the halfpipe. As he crossed the bottom of the pipe, an arm like a treetrunk rushed at his face. Stephen bent backwards under it, as if Lucas's huge arm was a limbo stick. Stephen came up and grabbed the lip of the pipe. He turned upside down and balanced on his right hand, while holding the board above him with his left hand and feet.  
Stephen balanced on the lip until Lucas came back around and flipped through the air above him. Stephen leaned forward as Lucas made contact with the wood again. They crossed to the other side again, parallel to eachother. They went up side by side, and just as they were about to go airborne for the second time (well, third time for Lucas, I guess) Lucas punched Stephen in the shoulder, knocking him off his board.

Ramona and Jessica gasped in unison, while Hyde chugged popcorn.

Stephen looked around, trying to grasp his surroundings. he was falling through the air above the halfpipe, arms and legs flailing like an idiot. Well, to Stephen, it looked like the halfpipe was above him, because he was upside down. As he fell, Stephen twisted around to see his board spinning around beside him. He grabbed the board and pressed his feet against the deck tape at the very last second before he hit the wood.

Lucas frowned when Stephen recovered and skated along side him. Screw the rules, he was knocking this wimp the hell out when they went up.

"OH SHIT!" young blue collar announcer voice exclaimed. "They're going to collide in the air!"

Lucas and Stephen curved towards eachother in the air, their arms spread out and their knees tucked up. Stephen and Lucas exchanged blows, kicking at eachother with their board trucks. They somehow stayed suspended in the air by the sheer badassness of their duel. Unfortunately for Stephen, Lucas was far more experience in the art of skateboarding. Lucas dealt a blow to Stephen's chest, who went flying out into the parking lot. he got brained on a light post and crashed into a car, flattening the roof and shattering the windows.

After a few minutes of blissful unconsciousness Stephen woke up back into a world of pain. He sat on the hood of the car, clutching his head with both hands. A shadow loomed over him, and he looked up to see Lucas standing over him, Skateboard over his shoulder.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0****0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

**Author's Notes**

**I told you that story so I could tell you this one.**

**Also, this isn't Rated M because of the swearing, or the fact that Stphen will disembowl Gideon in the next fifteen chapters, but because of the adult situations that I put my characters in. Just like in Real life, we sometimes have to make choices that society disaproves of.**


	10. Vs Lucas

**The Scott Pilgrim Comics were made by Bryan Lee O'Malley.**

**Last time, On Stephen Raven VS the World...**

**"No way, I can't just take a leak in front of Ramona." ... "Dude, I don't see what the big deal is, you've pissed out the window before." **

**_DON'T TRUST MY COUSIN. SHE'S VERY GAY AND WANTS TO GET INTO YOUR PANTS_.' **

**That's your second Evil Ex Boyfriend? He's huge!"**

**"Stupid Sexy Lucas..." **

**"Training weights...Was he wearing those the whole time?"**

**And now, the conclusion...**

**o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o**

"Oh no, I think he knocked him out!" Ramona exclaimed in distress.

"Naw, I don't think so." Hyde said as he followed Ramona and Jessica out to the parking lot. "A big glowing K.O. would have flashed across the screen."

"Ramona, look, your ex boyfriend is following him out to Parking lot!" Jessica squealed in distress. "He's going to finish my cousin off!"

Jessica turned to Hyde. "Do something."

"Okay." Hyde said nobly. With a heroic look on his face, Hyde whipped out his cellphone and began texting.

"What are you doing?" Ramona asked.

"I'm telling Stephen to poke his eyes out." Hyde explained. "The eyes are the groin of the face."

"What? No! Turn into some monster and kick that guys ass!" Jessica shouted.

"Are you crazy?" Hyde asked. "That guy's a tank. He'll rip me in half."

**o0oo0o0o0o0o0o**

"I'm gonna rip you in half, Raven." Lucas said in his best Badass voice. "That is, of course, unless you break up with Ramona."

Stephen took a moment to consider this. He had only known Ramona for several days. Sure, they had made out and talked (offscreen) but they hadn't even boned yet. If Stephen was gonna risk dying for this girl, then he should at least get some action first. But there was something about Ramona that was different. Something about her that inspired a change in him. It was because of Ramona that Stephen wanted to get off his ass and do stuff. It was Ramona that inspired Stephen to be Awesome.

"Sorry, man, but your gonna have to do better then that to scare me away from the rest of my life." Stephen said as he raised himself into a crouching position.

"Fine, you asked for it." Lucas said as he raised his arms to crush Stephen into the front of the car he was sitting on. Stephen grabbed Lucas's shoulders, like Jace had grabbed Stephen's during his final test, and flipped over him as Jace had. Stephen kicked off Lucas's back as Lucas rammed his fists into the engine block of the car. Lucas found that his fist was stuck in the engine.

Stephen took this opportunity to punch Lucas in the head, but Lucas simply caught his fist with his spare hand, then ripped his other hand out of the engine and punched Stephen in the gut.

**o0oo0o0o0o0o0o**

"Hey, what are those guys doing?" Hyde said as he pointed at half a dozen guys streaming out of a trailer with a big blue 2 on the side. "They're all wearing the same clothes." Jessica observed.

"Oh crap, it's Lucas's stunt team." Ramona said.

Hyde walked up to the lead stunt man and grabbed his shoulder. "Hey, who are you lot?"

The man who was dressed like Lucas jerked his shoulder back. "We're Lucas Lee's Stunt Team." He said. "And we've gotta help him crush that little punk."

"Lucas seams to be handling him, but what I wanna know is, why does Lucas Lee need so many back-up actors? Can't he act himself?" Hyde said trying to stall them.

A couple of the stunt men nodded, but one of them said "yeah, but I'm his stunt driver."

"And I'm his Kung -Fu man." Said the Asian looking one.

"And I take all the hits to the face." said the one with the bandages and the eyepatch.

The lead stuntman threw up his hands. "C'mon, let's just end this Punk!"

They started walking back to Lucas, who had pinned Stephen to the side of his trailer by the neck, but Hyde cut them off again.

"Wait wait wait, guys, can I... uh, can I get an autograph?" The lead stuntman denied Hyde's request with a punch to the face.

Hyde staggered back, then looked up at them. Some of them thought they saw the fires of hell burning behind himm. They all surely saw his forearms turn into massive scythe blades.

Hyde buried his two arm blades into the chest of one stuntman, then turned around and slit another's throat. They both burst into coins. Hyde lunged at a third, baring his razor sharp teeth, and the other three stunt men ran back into the Trailer. As the third Stuntman turned to coins, Hyde threw a Molotov Cocktail under the trailer.

**o0oo0o0o0o0o0o**

Lucas pinned Stephen to the side of the trailer with his hand around his throat.

"This is the end for you." Lucas said as he slid Stephen up against the wall.

"...Oh ... yeah?" Stephen asked between strained gasps.

"Uh, yeah. Your obviously about to die here." Lucas said.

"Well... what if... I do...THIS!" Stephen tried to poke out Lucas's eyes with his two fingers, but Lucas simply threw him against the ground.

"You can't win, Raven." Lucas told him. "You'd need some sort of Deus Ex Machina, or a-"

The Trailer exploded, sending Lucas flying like in a cheap action movie. Stephen was also thrown forward by the force of the explosion, and he slid across the pavement.

Stephen sat up, his head ringing. a massive inferno burned about twenty yards away, and little bits of burning material were scattered across the lot. He could only hear the dull ring in his ears, the rest of the world was silent.

"Did I win?" Stephen asked out loud, only to be denied when Lucas walked out of the fire, flames licking at his shirt. "Crap."

Lucas ripped off his shirt before the fire could burn him, a look of rage on his face. Stephen got to his feet, and looked around for something he could use against him. A yellow roadsign with black letters lay at his feet, and it read **_WARNING! Do Not Touch This Sign. It Has Sharp Edges. _**It had a pole, which had at one point been lodged in the ground, but the force of the explosion had dislodged it.

_'Perfect.'_ Stephen though. He stomped down on the sign like one would stomp on a rake if they wanted to get hit in the face in a cartoon. The other end, the metal pole, came up like he expected, and Stephen caught it. Stephen whirled the roadsign around like a bo staff, and motioned with his hand for Lucas to come get some.

Lucas Lee charged at Stephen, and Stephen charged back. They ran at eachother like two ruffian teenagers in their harleys playing chicken on the side of deadman's gorge. Lucas made to tackle Stephen, but Stephen leapt into the air as the last second and sliced down at Lucas with his sign axe thing. He left a deep gash across Lucas's back, but the giant angry man didn't seam to notice.

Stephen flipped in the air and landed on his feet, and Lucas stood up as he turned around. He began to throw a flurry of punches at Stephen, but Stephen spun his weapon around to deflect his blows. Stephen eventually saw an opening, and he didn't hesitate to take advantage of it. He rammed the butt of the pole into Lucas's stomach, making him stager back. Stephen raised the business end of his weapon, the part that had the sharp edges, and tried to bring it down on Lucas's head. Lucas backhanded his weapon, deflecting the blade to the side. Stephen ducked under Lucas's punch and grabbed the pole at both ends, left hand near the butt and the other where the pole met the sharp board.

Stephen stood and caught a punch with his left hand, spinning the weapon behind his back with his right. He pushed Lucas's fist back and pulled his left hand over his shoulder to catch the butt of the pole, and his right hand let go. Stephen swung the roadsign in a wide arc over his head, the momentum from the previous spinning putting extra force into his move.

He brought the sharp edge of the roadsign down on Lucas's Forehead, and he prominently exploded into a mushroom cloud of coins.

Stephen smiled as coins rained down from the sky. He was lucky that none of the falling coins took his eye out.

"Well, that was anticlimactic." Jessica commented.

"What?" Stephen shouted. His ears were still ringing.

**o0o0o0o0o**

Later that night, Hyde was walking through the streets of Woodstock. Jessica slept in her own motel room, while Stephen and Ramona were having awesomely sexy sex. It was Sexy, and awesome. Seriously, it was just so awesome that I can't even begin to describe it. It was so hot, like all the nukes going off while the sun exploded. But yeah, it's hard to describe it. So we'll cut to Hyde. Hyde was incapable of sleep, so he roamed the streets that night. Then, He heard the tune of One Wing Angel playing from his pocket as he felt his ass vibrate. Hyde wiped his cell phone out of his back pocket.

"Jello?" Hyde answered, thinking he was a smart ass for using that word.

"Hyde, I'm in London." Hyde heard John's voice say.

"Oh shit, John." Hyde said, dumbfounded. "When did you go to Brittan? Is the Queen a bitch? I bet she's a bitch. Do they have Doctor Who Over there?"

"Doctor Who? The Queen? I'm still in Ontario, Asshat." John told him.

"Oh, right." Hyde said. "What's up?"

"Alright, dude, listen up." John told him. "Tell Stephen this. Where's Stephen?"

"He's out fucking." Hyde said bluntly.

After a moment of silence, John continued. "Okay, well, in the morning, tell him that I got us a gig in London. We'll be opening for a lot of better bands, like Clash of the Demonhead, The Techno Twins, and Sex Bomb-Omb."

"Bomb-omb, like the Mario thing?" Hyde asked.

"Yeah, Sex Bomb-Omb." John repeated. "Also, can you bail Eric out of Jail on your way back?"


	11. Tribute Filler

**I'm going to admit something that some of you may have already figured out by now: I have no idea how this coin thing works. Some people think the Evil Exes die when they burst into coins (or squirrels and birds) Others may think that they are teleported and reappear in the middle of the Nevada dessert. In my opinion, I think they wind up in subspace until Gideon calls them back again.**

**Also, incase you want to know what my characters look like, I have a link right here.**

**.com/gallery/#/d2zv86l**

**WARNING: THIS IS A FILLER. JUST SKIP TO THE NEXT CHAPTER.**

Jace was helping Stephen load his drum set into the carriage of Jessica's truck. He handed him a drum, and Stephen strapped them to the handle at the sides.

"So, how did the fight go?" Jace asked as he tossed him a cymbal. "I assume you won, since your standing infront of me now and not a red puddle in a Woodstock gutter."

"Yeah, it went fine." Stephen said as he strapped the cymbal in. "That training really came in handy. By the way, Hyde, thanks for throwing that Molotov under the trailer. A real life saver."

"Molotov? What Molotov?" Hyde asked.

"The bottled you threw under Lucas's trailer." Stephen reminded him.

"Dude, that wasn't a Molotov cocktail, that was my piss bottle from when I pulled an all nighter playing Halo." Hyde explain, making Stephen gag.

"Yeah, but your going to need to level up before your next battle." Jace said as he gave him a rather large drum. "And it can't be from just training."

"Then from what?" Stephen asked, turning the large drum over in his hand.

"I don't know, really." Jace admitted, and winced as Stephen dropped the rather large drum on his toe.

"So how the hell am I supposed to beat the next guy?" Stephen almost shouted as he hopped around on one foot.

"I don't know man. Go through some random encounters. Milk a cow. Go to an arcade and play pacman." Jace told him. Hyde came out of their house with a red guitar.

"Your guitar..." Stephen muttered, then gave Jace a quizzical look.

"I'm coming with you guys." Jace told him as he zipped it into a guitar case and chucked it into the back. "And I can't rely on Eric or John to not get kidnapped in an overly dramatic way."

"Naw, they won't. If someone tries to kidnap any of us, it's gonna be Jessica that gets taken." Stephen chuckled.

"She was never kidnapped, duoous." Jace told him.

"Then why do I remember fighting a dozen ninjas and a pack of hunger lava sharks to save her?" Stephen asked.

"Because you are a doofus." Jace said, and that was the end of it.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

**LATER!**

Jessica and Stephen sat in Jessica's truck, waiting for Hyde to return with Eric. They were outside the county prison, and Hyde had said that he had saved up bail money for just such an ocasion.

Stephen turned to Jessica. "Hey, Jessy, what's the cost for bailing out a sex offender?"

"Umm, actually, I don't think you can get bail for that..." She said, then it dawned on her.

They looked at eachother, then at the prison. The wall of the complex suddenly exploded into a cloud of dust. A huge black rhinoceros came bounding out of the prison, with Eric gripping onto it's horn for dear life.

"No! You dumb fucks!" Jessica yelled as she put the truck into drive. They zoomed away as police came and shot at the rhino. The ebony rhino turned into a giant crow and flew away, carrying Eric in it's talons.

0oo0o0o0o0o0o

"I'm very sorry about this, Mr. Chau." Jace told Kawai's father. They were sitting in his house, drinking tea.

"You should be." the old Chinese man said. "What kind of family spawns such... indecency?"

"Well, Eric is an odd one." Jace said, trying not to look offended. "The rest of our family isn't like this."

"I certainly hope not!" the old man spat. "What kind of world would it be with a bunch of sex crazed maniacs running around."

"Speaking of sex crazed maniacs running around, I'm here to tell you that my cousin Eric has escaped." Jace told him, waiting for a reaction. He didn't get one.

"Yes, the police have already notified me of this." Mr. Chau said.

"And, as his eldest cousin, I take full responsibility of hunting him down and returning him to justice." Jace continued. "So it is vital that I know where he's going."

"How should I know where he's going?" Chau asked.

"He's going after your daughter, sir," Jace told him. "So obviously I need to know where you sent her."

Mr. Chau stood up and walked over to a cabinent. He picked up a picture of Kawai. "I have a niece, who lives in Toronto." he said.

"When Knives was seventeen, she also dated an older white man." He said, and then he raised his voice. "But never did she SLEEP WITH HIM!"

"I understand your concern-"

"No, this was as much my daughter's fault as it was your brother's." Chau admitted. "So I sent Kawai away to a boarding school. A boarding school in London."

"All the way in England?" Jace asked.

"No, the one in Ontario." Chau said. He looked back at Jace, but the jet black haired man was gone.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Jace stepped into the passenger seat of Jessica's truck and shut the door behind him.

"Howed it go?" Eric asked from under a blanket in the back seat.

"Oh, it went well." Jace said, just the faintest hint of sarcasm in his voice. "I love talking to wrinkly old foreigners who hate me because my cousin slept with his child."

"She's not a child." Eric muttered. "She'll be 18 in two months."

"Right. After that, she will cease to be a child. But you fucked her before that."

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know that mailman was going to catch us in the act." Eric said. "But I need to see her again."

"Okay, but it'll be the last time." Jace told him. "and get out from under that. The windows are tinted."

"Time to say your final goodbye to the girl you love." Hyde said over Eric's shoulder.

0o0o0o0o0

Jessica's truck blasted down the 401, Rammstien blaring from the radio. Stephen had packed a pair of clothes for himself, and another set for Eric so he could change out of the orange jumpsuit.

"I thought we were going to keep him away from her." Jessica said, obviously agitated.

"Yeah, but he needs to see her again." Jace said.

"You do realize that your having me chase down a bus full of Asian catholic schoolgirls, right?" Jessica asked. "This is all kinds of wrong."

"Ah, you know you wanna be there, lesbo." Stephen said, taunting her.

"There, that has to be the bus." Eric said, pointing to a big yellow school bus with the words 'Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow' written on the side.

"Okay, so do we just tail it to the next gas station or..." Jessica trailed off as Eric and Hyde leapt out the window. "...Dammit."

Hyde transformed into a motorbike and Eric grabbed his handle bars as he hit the pavement. Eric steadied the Hyde-bike out as they wobbled around, then hit the gas. Hyde-bike accelerated, zooming past Jessica's truck and shortening the distance between Eric and Kawai.

0o0o0o0o

Kawai fingered her locket as she sat amongst the girls around her. They were all wearing the same school uniform, and a nun was driving the bus. The locket was heart shaped, and inside was a picture of her and Eric. She was stupid. So stupid. Eric was right, but she had been too impulsive. She hadn't meant to get him imprisoned. Now he was probably going to get raped in the shower, and all for her stupid mistake.

"Haha, look at that stupid white boy riding that bike without a helmet." Some bitchy girl behind Kawai said.

Kawai looked out the window to see the love of her life speeding alongside her but on a motorcycle, his chestnut hair blowing in the wind. He was still wearing the orange jumpsuit from prison. She opened the window and stuck her head out, calling his name.

Eric shifted his legs and brought them up, putting one foot on the handlebars and one foot on the seat. Hyde locked the steering in place, otherwise they would swerve and Eric would fall off. Eric slowly began to stand up, even though he was going a hundred kilometers an hour. All the girls where watching Eric now as he reached out and grabbed a hold of Kawai's window ledge. Eric pulled himself up and kissed Kawai. When Eric broke the kiss off, Kawai held his face in her hands.

"Eric, you came for me." She said, but Eric shook his head.

"No, Kawai, I came to say goodbye." Eric told her.

"What? What do you mean?" Kawai asked, distress rising through her voice.

"I love you, Kawai, but we just can't be together." Eric said, and a tear rolled down his cheek.

"B-but, we can run away together." Kawai said.

"Yeah, we could, but not now." Eric told her. "I've got too much going on, what with the police, and my band... but I'll come back for you."

"You will?" Kawai asked as she began to cry.

"I'll bust you out of that school, and we can live together in Toronto." Eric told her. "But for now, this is goodbye."

Eric let go of the bus window and stood on Hyde as he slid away from the schoolbus, towards Jessica's truck. Kawai reached out for him, her tears lost to the wind, and her fellow students pulled her back inside the bus.

Stephen opened the passenger door, and Eric leapt inside. "You did the right thing, bro." Stephen said, patting his cousin on the shoulder. None of them knew about his plan to come back for her. Eric nodded.

Jessica's truck sped past the schoolbus. In some ways, it was symbolic, as they left the bus behind, and it eventually disappears behind the horizon in a plume of grey dust. Wait, what? Eric looked back to see a huge cloud of rubble where the bus had been. A shock wave rippled through the road to emphasis the point of confusion. What the hell?

"Guys, did Kawai's bus just explode?" Stephen asked, and Eric was already crawling out through the back window. Hyde turned back into a motorbike and Eric wheelied off the truck carriage. As the smoke began to clear, Eric saw what had caused it, and suddenly wished he hadn't.

A huge violet demon was sprouting out of a hole in the earth, flames shoot out from below. It's head was that of a goat, while it's torso was that of a Austrian bodybuilder painted purple. Everything below the beast's waist was a mass of massive tentacles, which wrapped around the schoolbus as the demon laughed.

"Hyde, turn into that scythe thing!" Eric shouted as they approached the demon.

"You mean the Malicetar?" Motor-Hyde asked.

"Yes! Just turn into a weapon!" Eric screamed.

As Eric leapt off the bike, Hyde turned into a malicetar, an ancient weapon that looks like a double bladed scythe with three spikes between them, and a spear point at the butt. Eric grasped at what had once been a handlebar, and was now a weapon handle, as he slammed into the demons fleshy side at deadly speeds and simply bounced off. The great beast paid no attention to Eric as it twisted it's tentacles around the bus, trying to shake out it's prey. Eric looked up at the monster and estimated that it was about two stories high. Jessica pulled up near the site of destruction, and Stephen stood in the carriage. He was getting out his drums for some reason, but Eric had no time to think about that. He began to slash into the demon, blue blood spilling out onto the road. This got the monster's attention.

A purple tentacle came and slapped Eric in the face, knocking him down. The mighty Demon turned around, his red eyes burning like all the fires of hell. Eric scuttled away from the beast, forgetting he could get up and run. Eric then noticed a tentacle squirming into the window of the bus, and his courage returned. Jace brought out his backup guitar, and stood atop the roof of Jessica's truck.

Eric ran to the bus and ripped the tentacle apart with the Malicetar. but another came up behind him and wrapped around his neck. A nun leaned out the window and threw her ruler at it, cutting the tentacle clean in half. Eric waved his thanks to the old prune and turned his attention to the demon before him.

**"YOU DARE TO STAND BETWEEN ME AND MY PREY?"** The demon bellowed.

"Who the hell are you? What are you?" Eric asked in an extremely clich way.

**"I AM BEEALZANUG, DARK GOD OF LUST!"** the creature from Hell roared.

It took Eric a couple of moments to put two and two together. then he raised his eybrow.

"So, those tentacles, those are your..." He couldn't bring himself to say it.

**"YES!"** The monster said.** "I AM EXTREMELY WELL ENDOWED, AM I NOT?"**

"And you were going to... dude, that's disgusting." Eric was appalled.

**"THAT'S FUNNY, COMING FROM A PEDO!"** the rape monster shouted at him.

"Hey, fuck you, you octo-goat." Eric shouted at the being who could totally eat his soul.

**"THAT'S IT, I'M GOING TO EAT YOU.**" The demonic purple goat said, and wrapped an uncountable number of tentacle around him. See what I mean? But then Jace called out from the druck.

_"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"_ He shouted. "WE CHALLENGE YOU TO A ROCK OFF!"

**"FUCK!" **The beast shouted**. "FUCK!_ FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK, THE DEMON CODE PREVENTS ME, FROM DECLINING A ROCK OFF CHALLENGE! WHAT ARE YOUR TERMS?"_**

"If we win, then you have to take your sorry ass back to Hell!" Eric called up at him.

"And, um, also, help me level up..." Stephen mumbled sheepishly.

**"BUT IF YOU LOSE?"** The demon asked greedily.

"Then you can take Hyde back to Hell." Eric told him. The reflection of Hyde apeared in the scythe blade. he nodded, then said. "Wait, what?"

"To be your little bitch!" Eric finished.

"What the hell, man?" Hyde asked furiously, but it was too late.

**"FINE! LET THE ROCK-OFF BEGIN!**" The demon bellowed, and the ground shook. Fire and magma shot up out of the ground under Beealzenug as a web of cracks spread out from him in the pavement. Three gigantic black metal bass drums rose out of the inferno, each with a big red six painted on it. Above those were too many drums and cymbals to count. The demon snapped his fingers, and the air about his hand exploded into a ball of fire. when the smoke cleared, he was holding a massive guitar.

"Shit!" Eric, Hyde, and Stephen said in unison.

The Demon started playing a an unholy riff, something that no human could play. It whipped it's many tentacles across the drums and cymbals. He rocked too hard, because he's not a mortal man. It sounded like Blood Hunger Doctrine, only heavier. The demonic soundwaves where having an odd affect on Hyde. He started to fizzle like an old TV image, and he turned to shadows. Hyde reformed into his signature spider bass guitar, but as the demon continued to play, he started to transform. None of the humans noticed this, however, since they were entranced by the demon's sick licks.

Hyde went from Bass Guitar to Lead Guitar, and then from Lead Guitar to Demonic Guitar. He formed into an axe, with the neck as the handle. The Headstock became the head of a black wolf, with glowing orange eyes. Eric looked down at Hyde, and was filled with new fount hope.

After fifteen minutes of mind blowing kickassery,Beealzanug finished his guitar and drum solo, leaving the road Eric stood reduced to gravel. He looked down at Eric, who had been looking down, his hair over his eyes. To the demon, the boy looked as if he must have been lost to despair. But when Eric looked up, his stony gaze met The beast's.

"Are you done playing that crap?" He asked harshly, even though staring into the thing's eyes was like staring into the sun.

**"LET'S SEE YOU DO BETTER, MORTALS!" **The Demon roared.

Stephen and Jace started with a beat, and Eric went into a full on metal rampage. Eric's fingers became a blur as he shredded. His hair was blown back by the sheer force of his tune, and orange electricity licked up along the guitar neck. Dust blew away from The Reapers as they ripped the shit out of Beealzanug's song, and a column of fire shot out of the mouth of the wolf on the headstock. The fire arched and curled around Eric, forming rings of flames.

Needless to say, the beast was stunned. "**ARE YOU ANGELS?" **It asked in shock.

"No, I'm just a man." Eric replied, and orange lightning shot out of the Axe-Guitar, smiting the Demon in the face. The Beast howled in agony as it wad electrocuted by Hyde and Eric's Orange Lightning, and it began to sink back into it's hole to Hell. It's tentacles withered and squirmed as It ranked it's claws against the gravel, leaving a trail of trenches in their wake.

With one last bloodcurdling scream, the demon was dragged back to the fiery pits from whence it came.

"Okay, now that your done with that, can we please get back to the plot?" Stephen asked, walking up beside Eric.

"What?" Eric asked.

"Look, man, it's called Stephen Raven Vs The Word," Stephen said, pointing up at the title. "Not Eric Raven The Pervert Vs The More Perverted Squid Devil Thing."

"Bu-"

"It's my story! Mine! Quite soaking up the screentime with your sorry excuse for character development and let me fight my girlfriend's super-powered Ex Boyfriend's." Stephen heaved.

"Super-powered Exes." Jace corrected him.

"WHATEVER!" Stephen shouted.

"Sorry man, but-"

"Enough! I've got to repack my drumset." Stephen stormed back to Jessica's truck. Jessica herself was hanging out the window, looking at him. She gave Eric a look that asked _'What the hell is _his _problem?'_ and Eric merely shrugged.

Kawai ran up to Eric and buried her head in his chest. Eric put his arms around her, and realized that she was shaking.

"I was so scared." She whispered to him.

"So was I..." Eric told her, caressing her back to comfort her.

Jace walked up to the smoking crater where the Demon had been pulled into. Black smoke was billowing out of the hole, only it wasn't a hole. Not anymore. The hole had bean sealed. Now there was a circle on the ground. A white circle, drawn with chalk, or maybe salt. There was a weird design within the circle, also drawn in salt. It looked like an 'A' and an 'R', only the 'R' was upsidown, and connected to the bottom of the 'A'. Jace made sure to remember this symbol, because he was sure he'd see it again.

**Author's Note**

**This has been a tribute to Tenacius D.**


	12. Back to the Plot

**The Scott Pilgrim Comics were made by Bryan Lee O'Malley.**

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

It was a cold Autumn night. Wind blew through Scott's hair as he stood atop the Graves hotel, one leg propped up on the railing. The moon was behind him, it's two Fist-made craters seaming to resemble eyes. It was all very dramatic, but it meant nothing if they didn't show up.

"Hey, Spot Pilgrim." Someone said from behind him, but Scott didn't have to turn around. He knew that voice. It was Ken Katayanagi. Or, actually, maybe it was Kyle Katayanagi. They had the same voice and everything. Scott turned around to see the two asian guys, one with black hair, the other with white hair.

"It's _Scott_. I told you guys. Scott. Scott with a_ C_." Scott told the twins. "Spot is a dog's name."

"Oh, we know that." Kyle said. Or was it Ken? The guy with white hair had said it, but Scott couldn't remember which was which.

"Oh, are you just gonna take that?" Todd Ingram asked, suddenly popping out of nowhere beside him. Scott jumped at the sound of his voice.

"What a pussy." Roxxy said, appearing in a plume of black smoke to the other side of Scott. She had a line of stitches from the top of her head to the left side of her jaw, as well as an eyepatch over her left eye.

"They called you a _dog_, man." Todd reminded him. "A _dog._"

"Will everyone just shut up already?" Scott cried out. They did. There was a sudden awkward silence.

"Gideon invited Raven and his band to stay at this hotel..." Kyle finally said.

"...So where are they?" Ken asked.

"I. Don't. Know!" Scott said through his teeth. "He said they were coming in a black pickup truck, but no truck has pulled up yet."

"I just checked their room." Roxy told Scott. "No one's even been in there. There aint no trace of life."

"Is it possible that they could be sightseeing?" Todd asked. "They are from a farming town, after all..."

"No." Scott said with a look of focus on his face. a rare sight for one to withhold. "Something's wrong. We need to find them."

Ken nodded to his brother, who rushed inside the staircase door. Todd's eyes shone white, and his hair stood on end. "See ya." He said as a white aura began to flare up around him, and he shot off into the sky, leaving a trail of white energy behind him.

Roxy disappeared in a plume of black smoke, and the Katayanagi Twins returned to the roof with Jetpacks.

Kyle shot past Scott, making him stumble backwards into Ken, who made him fall against the railing protecting him from the seventy foot drop.

o0o0o0o0o

The raven kids, as well as Hyde and Kawai, arrived at the London Liberty Hospital. Stephen tried not to look up at the sky, since the moon was out once again. He was dreadfully afraid of the face in the moon. The Hospital was even more frightening. It smell of old people, disease, and death. The hospital corridors themselves reminded Stephen of all those times he had played Silent Hill, or Resident Evil. They were greeted by a doctor in a white labcoat. Eric had expected him to be wearing a stethoscope around his neck, but he wasn't.

"You friend was in an accident." The doctor told them. Jessica gasped. Jace noticed that he looked just like Zach Braff.

"Is he okay?" Jessica asked.

"He's in a coma." The doctor told them. "He could wake up in a weak. Or in a month."

"Oh crap." Stephen said. "He was in our band. Now what are we going to-" Jace nudged Stephen in the ribs, and he looked at his brother. "Oh. That's right."

"Oh that reminds me." The doctor said, walking to a cabinet. he pulled out a slip of paper. "This was in his hand when the car hit him."

The Ravens read the note, with Hyde trying to crane his neck to get a look. John had reserved a room at a hotel for them.

"Ah, good old John." Stephen said. "Even in death, he's still helping us out."

Jessica kicked him in the shin. "Don't say things like that!"

"Yeah, man, he aint dead." Jace told him.

Jessica turned to the doctor. "Er, doctor... um..."

"Dorian." Dr. Dorian told her.

"Dr. Dorian. Right. Can we see him?" Jessica asked.

John was hooked up to an IV, as well as other life support machines. The constant beeping of his heart rate was horrible. Jessica got teary in her eyes.

Stephen had to step out. He breathed in the cool night air, trying to calm his nerves. He had forgotten how vulnerable he was himself.

"Hey." A voice said right in his ear, making Stephen jump. he turned around and there was Ramona. Ramona with purple hair.

"Your...Your hair..." Stephen stuttered.

"Is Purple?" Ramona finished for him.

"Yeah." Stephen said. "Why is that?"

""Dude, I change my hair every other week." She told him.

"Oh." Stephen said. "John is dead."

"What?" Ramona gasped.

"Well, not really. he's just in a coma."

"Oh. you scared me." Ramona told him.

"Yeah." Stephen said, unable to take his eyes off her purple hair.

"Is he going to be okay?" Ramona asked.

"Uhhhhhh... yeah. He'll be fine." Stephen said. "He'll wake up in about a week."

"Okay." Ramona said. "I saw a fair while I was walking here."

Stephen gasped. I love fairs!" and then "You walked here?"

"No, I mean, from the subspace door." She explained.

"Oh, okay." Stephen said. "Do you wanna go there tomorow?"

"Sure, but where are we staying tonight?" Ramona asked.

"I, um..." Stephen thought, then remembered about what John had done. "Oh, that's right. John rented a hotel before he died."

"I thought you said he was in a coma?" Ramona reminded him.

"Oh yeah. Right. Let's go." Stephen said.

o0olo0o0o0o0o

They arrived at the Graves Hotel a while later. The emblem on the front was made from three triangular Gs.

"It looks like an inverted Triforce." Eric observed.

Chills went down Ramona's spine. "Guys, I think this hotel is owned by Gideon." She told them.

"Who's Gideon?" Stephen asked. He had a feeling that he might be the next Evil Ex. He was sorta right.

"He's one of my Evil Exes." Ramona told him, and Stephen got a point for being right. Jace saw the weird number raise out of his brother's head, but didn't say anything about it.

"And, of course, you are correct." A voice said from nowhere.

"Who said that?" Jace asked. Hyde looked around, but he couldn't smell anyone.

"Oh, right, hold on a sec." The voice said, and there was a moment where they could hear someone fumbling around with a keyboard. "No, that's not it... Damn, how does it... No, that's the mariachi band player... Ah, here it is!"

A big blue hologram of Gideon Graves appeared infront of them. They all stepped back in fear, especially Ramona. "Stephen." She whispered. "He's thier leader."

"Who's leader?" Stephen asked out loud.

"The Leader of the League of Evil Exes!" Gideon exclaimed. "And as such, you won't have to fight me until the very end, unless my minions don't kill you first." He explained. "So, you need not to fear me. Yet."

"Okay, there was so much wrong with that sentence." Stephen told the holographic Gideon.

"Perhaps, but I am telling you that you needn't worry about staying in my hotel." Gideon explained to them. "No harm will befall you within these walls, since I'll make sure to set up your fights away from my hotel."

"And why would you do that?" Jace asked.

"Why, for an obvious reason, my dark haired friend." Gideon said. "These types of fights cost a lot in property damage. It would be foolish to allow you to fight here. Besides, you need a place to stay while you get ready for your big show, do you not? This offer is free, and its not like you can afford to stay anywhere else."

Stephen knew he was walking into the spider's parlor, but he had to agree. "Yeah. Your right."

"Great, I'm glad you see things my way." The hologram said, then summoned the bag boys. They took the Raven's bags in, and led them to their hotel room.

**Author's Note**

**This chapter was written at one in the morning. So, yeah, I know it sucks.**

**But in other news, I went down to indigo and picked up some copies of Scott Pilgrim. So Yay!**


	13. Band Battle

**The Scott Pilgrim Comics were made by Bryan Lee O'Malley.**

**A lot of people wanted Kim to be one of Ramona's Exes. This wasn't part of my original layout, but since so many people want this to be true, and I actually like the idea of it myself, sure, why not? Twelve Evil Exes is a nice round number anyway.**

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"This is Bullshit!" Jessica shouted at Stephen. "Why would you just decide to waltz in here, knowing that the guy that wants you dead owns the place?"

They had entered through an amazing lobby, valets, servants and maids running around in an organized frenzy. Great big red curtains had hung infront of the walls, tapestries woven into them. In the center of the room there had been an golden statue of a baby angel pouring wine into a small pool, and above that had been a massive crystal chandelier.

"Yeah." Eric said. "It might be booby trapped or something." Hyde snickered when he said "booby."

"Listen, guys, it's not booby trapped, I'm sure." Stephen told them, but Jessica wasn't convinced.

"Well, if our room isn't booby trapped, then he's probably spying on us." She told him.

A bag boy had put their luggage and instruments on a cart and pushed it into the elevator, and another servant motioned them into a client elevator. The halways had been decorated with a red felt carpet, the walls where white with a blue stripe running along it four feet from the ground. He had led them through a blue door with the number 709 on it.

"I don't wanna stay in a room where a creepy guy watches me change from a camera in the corner." Kawai told Eric, and he put his arm around her.

"Don't worry, if he is watching us, I'll ask him not to." Stephen said, then looked up into the ceiling. "Hey, Gideon! Can I call you Mr. Graves? Well if you can hear us, I'd like to request that you don't spy on us in the shower or anything like that. Or when we sleep, cause that's just creepy."

"How is that creepier then watching us shower?" Ramona asked.

"Um, well..." Stephen tried to find an answer that didn't make him look like a pervert, and thankfully Jessica cut him off. "Listen, he's not gonna not spy on us if you ask politely."

"What was that, dear? your grammar is crap." Stephen remarked.

"I-I- He won't not- " Jessica fumed.

"I think you broke her, man." Hyde said.

"Listen, Stephen." Jessica hissed, her face reddening. "He'll still spy on us, even if you say please. His goal is to kill you, remember?"

"Yeah, I know." Stephen said. "Hell, look at what I tweeted in the elevator."

Ramona got out her phone and went to his profile, and sure enough his post said_ "JUST WALKED INTO THE MOUTH OF HELL. HOPE THE BEDS ARE COMFY."_

The beds actually where quite comfy. It was more like a small apartment then an actual hotel room. There were two bedrooms with double beds and a tv each, and the main room had a couch that folded out into a mattress that was aa comfortable as any bed. Jace was sitting there now.

"Why do you always use all caps?" Ramona asked.

"I once jumped into a pool with my phone in my pocket." Stephen explained. "Hasn't been the same since."

"Anyway, Stephen, why did you agree to stay here?" Jace asked. "The whole building is obviously a trap."

"Yeah, but I have a hunch about this guy." Stephen turned to Ramona. "Ramona, you dated Graves, right?

"Well, duh." Ramona said. "He's not just the leader of the my Evil Exes because he thought he could write it off as a business expense."

"Right, and he always has an order to the league, always saves himself for last, Correct?" Stephen asked.

"Yeah, although I've never actually seen him fight." Ramona said. "The farthest any of my boyfriends has ever gotten against the league was past my fourth Exe."

Stephen nodded, remembering to watch out for the fifth guy. "Well, I think that, because of this, he'll only use this room against me when it comes time for me to actually fight him."

"What makes you think that?" Jessica asked, but Ramona answered for him.

"Actually, he's right." She said. "Gideon likes to watch the other Exes duke it out. It gives him some sort of sick pleasure. But other then that, he won't interfere."

"Okay, I'll take your word on that." Jace told Ramona, but then he turned back to Stephen. "But you, Stephen, you where able to tell all that from listening to the man for three seconds on a hologram?"

"Not just from that, but from the whole thing. This whole situation." Stephen told him. "He wouldn't go to all the trouble of inviting me and my family to a hotel simply so he could sneak into the room at night and shoot me in the face."

"I still don't know, man." Jace said. "We coulda gone to a cheap hotel, you know? Better safe then sorry."

"Perhaps, but listen, when are we going to that club?" Stephen asked with a wink. Jace knew that Stephen had something to tell him, but if there were any bugs in the room, then they needed to head out. "At nine, but it's only seven right now. I'm hungry, though. Lets get a bottle of coke or something."

Stephen nodded, and asked Ramona if she wanted to come.

They left the hotel and walked out into the chilly night air, making sure that no one was following them. Once they where a block away, Jace asked his brother "So, what's the real reason you decided to stay?"

"Okay, remember that time we stayed at that hotel in Bellville?" Stephen asked.

**FLASHBACK**

Two years ago, the Raven brothers had gone to visit their Aunt all the way in Belleville. Jace and Stephen had rented a car, as well as a small hotel room. They stayed their for two days, under false names. When they left, Stephen had decided to drive, and as he approached the on ramp to head back to Ingersoll, Jace suddenly sat bolt upright in his seat.

"Dude." He exclaimed in Stephen's ear. "I forgot something back at the hotel. We have to go back."

Stephen had sighed and drove him back to the hotel. Jace ran into the building without shutting the door, and Stephen watched him. About half a minute later, Stephen heard glass shatter. he looked up to see a large TV being thrown out through a hotel window into the pool. Jace calmly came back to the car and slumped into the seat beside Stephen, who's jaw was still slack.

"Hmmf, I almost forgot." Jace had sad

**END FLASHBACK**

"Okay, so you want him to wreck the place?" Ramona asked.

"Yeah- wait, how did you...?" Stephen asked.

"I watched the flashback." Ramona explained.

"Oh okay. Well, I really just want everyone to cause chaos without it looking intentional." Stephen explained. "Keep the man on his toes."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Scott met Kim and Stephen (Not my Stephen, the original Stephen) infront of the hotel.

"Hey hoys what's up?" He asked.

Kim glared at him. "Why did you have to drag us all the way out to this crapsack town?" She asked.

"Hey, ask G-Man." Scott said, shifting the blame to their manager. " He's the one that wanted us, the Twins and Demon Head to have a big concert out in the middle of nowhere."

"Whatever, this the hotel G-Man wants us to stay in?" Stephen asked, looking up at the big green upsidedown triforce. "Looks nice."

"Yeah, and it's free." Scott said, grinning for the first time in a while. He led them inside.

"Hey, guys?" Neil called out to them. He was hunched over, a mountain of luggage laying on his back. "Guys? Wait up!"

o0o0o0o0o

Jace came back into the hotel room. He was alone, since Stephen and Ramona had decided to take a walk through the riverside park.

"Hey, Jace, I've been writing this song." Eric stood up when he saw him.

Jace took the sheet of paper, and smiled. "I like it. Pure metal. It slanders irresponsible governments with obscure biblical references."

Eric's face lit up. "You really like it?" He eyes grew and shone like those of a puppy.

"Yeah, we should play it tonight," He said, and they did.

Jace: The old ones said that when the Apocalypse came

it would be brought by the Horsemen Four

Death, Disease, Famine and War

as if they were not one in the same.

Eric: The other three may as well be the Sons of Death,

While Disease and Hunger a slow death comes,

War is but the agents of Death marching on

Under the Reaper, who controls the rest.

Jace: We may fight Disease with doctors and science

And have all but conquered worldwide Famine,

But we welcome War with open arms

Until it has consumed us all.

Eric: War changes, War evolves

But it cannot be resolved

From swords to arrows, tanks to bombs

In the end they still kill us all.

Eric: We give medicine and keep the food coming

but why does War get the government funding?

Jace: When we witness the arrival of the Horsemen Four,

Mankind will likely let War park his Horse,

While we make the other three stand in the cold,

As we wait for the end of the world.

They finished the song off with a bang, and Jessica, Ramona and Kawai cheered from the crowd. Unfortunately, no one else did. Someone did cough though, so is that some kind of gratification? No? Dammit.

Hyde turned into a donkey and helped Stephen carry his drums backstage.

**Meanwhile, Backstage...**

"Okay, which one of those guys said his last name was Raven?" Todd asked Lynette, his drummer (but you already knew that)

"Um, all of them." Lynette said.

"What?" Todd asked in disbelief. "Give me that clipboard!"

Lynette handed him the clipboard with the registration list, and sure enough, under _Reapers,_ were the names _Eric Raven, Jace Raven, and Stephen Raven._ Oh, _Hyde_ was there too.

"Damn." Todd muttered. "Okay, which one was the bassist?"

"Ummm... Eric." Lynette told him. "But how do you kn-"

"It's always the bassist." Todd told her.

As he said that, Scott walked past them, followed by Kim and Stephen (Dammit! I'm getting Stephen Stills confused with Stephen Raven! It's too late to change his name. How could I not have foreseen this?)

"There she is." Kim told Scott.

"Yeah, I know." Scott muttered. He wasn't looking into the crowd.

"Is your chip acting up?" She asked.

"It's not time to fight him yet." Scott told her. "When the time is right, G-Man'll turn up the juice, but until then it's all mellow out."

"But how do you feel?" She asked, concern in her voice. "How does the real Scott feel?"

He just ignored her as he tuned his guitar.

**Tables**

"So, won't you get in shit with your parents for just leaving that ruined bus?" Jessica asked Kawai.

"I'm already in trouble for sleeping with Eric." Kawai told her. "how much deeper can I get?"

"Yeah, Besides, she'll be 18 in a few weeks anyway." Eric said, coming up to them with beers.

"Oh, really?" Jessica said seductively, making Kawai blush awkwardly.

"Hey, get a control of your backwards hormones." Eric told his sister. She glared at him.

The next band started playing as Eric gave his sister and girlfriend the beers that they were too young to drink, and guess who it was. U2? What? No, it was Sex Bomb-Omb!

"Garbage man?" Stephen asked out loud to no one in particular. "What the hell kind of a song is that?"

"It's a metaphor." Ramona explained. She was also trying desperately not to make eye contact with Scott. She knew that she wouldn't be able to control herself if she did. "About how your boyfriend can help you get rid of your baggage."

"Oh, I see." Stephen said. Then an idea popped into his head. "Ramona, did you date a member of that band?"

Ramona sighed. "Yes."

"Wow." Jace said. "Did you date every guy in the bands we just opened for?"

Stephen kicked Jace under the table, but Ramona merely nodded.

"Yeah. I kinda did." She told him. "Except that guy." She point up at Stephen Stills.

Stephen Raven let his head fall to the table and moaned.


	14. Chapter 15

**The Scott Pilgrim Comics were made by Bryan Lee O'Malley.**

**I have nothing against fat people. Some of my best friends are fat. (You know who you are.) But it just seamed appropriate. I imagined that nerd from the Simpsons when I wrote this.**

**Oh, also, in this Timeline, Scott never made it to the twins. He only beat Roxxie, and that's when Rams dumped him. The reason behind her decision will become clear in time.**

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Steven, what do you say we get out of here." Ramona couldn't handle Scott's presence much longer, and Kim was up there too.

"Sure, lets go check out that fair." Steven replied. He wanted to leave for mostly the same reason as Ramona. They left together without telling the others.

Backstage

"Are you going after him?" Roxxie asked Todd.

"Yeah, after this song." Todd told her.

"Dammit Todd, that's the same mistake Lucas made, and that bastard got cut in half!" Roxxie exclaimed. "We had to stitch him up when he came out of subspace!"

"You would have experience in that regard, wouldn't you?" Todd asked, a little too insensitively.

"Shut up, cunt." Roxxie said, tracing her finger across the scar under her eyepatch.

"Sorry, Cyclops." Todd teased.

"Get it done, because I'm going after him at eleven." She said, and disappeared in a cloud of black smoke.

Todd shook his head. "She has such little faith in me."

**Some Time Later, At The Fair (Fare? Faer? How Do You Spell That?)**

Hey, wanna go on on those minicarts?" Steven asked.

Ramona looked over at the little go carts and laughed. "Steven, those are for kids."

"Alright, nevermind." Steven mumbled, turning his attention somewhere else. They were about to turn around and go on the teapot ride when Ramona spotted the fat guy out the corner of her eye. She yanked on Steven's sleeve, and he saw the fatty as well. There was some fatass getting in a little kids face, laughing at him. The kid was maybe nine, while the fat guy was somewhere north of thirty five.

"HAHA, lost again, pipsqueak!" the man spat in the kids face, who went crying into his mother's skirt. The fat man laughed again, raising his star spangled helmet to the sky.

Ramona went up to the man and asked, "Dude, what's your damage? He's just a kid."

"Whast? He ish nuffin moar then my opponent." The fatass slurred. "I am this city's number one minicart champion."

Steven sucked his teeth and mumbled "Not much of a city, more like a town."

"Whast was thath? You Dare mock my tow- city?" The fatty roared. "I Charrenge you to a rash!"

"A race?"

"Yesh, that is what I shay."

"Okay, bring it on." Steven said, and winked at Ramona. She smiled and Steven motioned at the pimply faced ride operator to pas him a helmet. Steven received a black helmet with red flame decal on it and strapped himself into the red cart. The egg shaped man strapped on his green and orange star spangled helmet and got into a matching green cat. The pipmly teenager walked out infront of them, raised a hankercheif in the air, and cocked his hips to the side like a woman. This pissed Steven off.

"Don't you dare start it like that." Steven hissed, but the teenager threw the napkin down like a woman. The fatass sped off in a screech of burning rubber. Steven chased after him, but he was pretty fast for such a fat fuck. They went around the course once, then twice. Damn, the track was too short.

It was the last lap and Mr. Lard wasn't giving Steven an inch. He cut him off at every turn, always staying right in front of him. The checkered line came up, and they came blasting down the center of the pavement. Ramona held her breathe. Steven faked left, then swerved right, zooming past the marshmallow driver. Steven cross the finish line and stood up in his cart.

"YEAH!" He exclaimed. "What now, fatass?"

Said fatass exploded into, um, arcade tickets, or something like that. But not before he let out a long "NNNOOOOOOOO!"

**STEVEN HAS EARNED THE SPEED BONUS!**

"Cool." Ramona said. "What exactly does that do?"

"I don't know." Steven replied.

The ride manager came up to Steven with a big blue stuffed hedgehog. "Here ya go." he said.

"What's this for?" Steven asked.

"Why, it's for winning against our twenty six year straight undefeated champion, of course." The mustached manager said.

"Gee, thanks." Steven muttered. If he had known the fatass was that good, he would have demanded a better prize. Like a lead trophy with fake gold paint.

"Steven, let me see that hedgehog." Ramona said. Steven handed it to her, noticing that it wasn't even Sonic the iconic videogame mascot, just some cheap off color ripoff. Ramona took it over to the nine year old who had lost.

"Here, you should have this." she said, giving the kid the toy.

"Wow." The kid said, rubbing his wet eyes. "Thanks, lady." He took the stuffed toy, and Ramona walked of with Steven towards the teapot ride.

**Back at the MegaDestro**

"Hitting the bottle a little hard, don't you think?" Hyde asked Jessica, who did indeed have an assortment of beers scattered across her table.

"Yeah, well, it's... it's just my damn brother." Jessica complained. "And how he's always going on about me being a lesbo. It just pisses me off."

Hyde sat down next to her, admiring her rack, and asked." Yeah, but your into girls, right? I mean, you say your bi, but none of us have ever seen you with a boy."

"I do like boys, it's just, I dunno." Jessica said. "I just want to prove him wrong. Him and Steven."

"Well, it seams that the only way to prove them wrong is to go out with a guy." Hyde said, winking. Jessica looked at him. Hyde got the fealing that she didn't get it, and asked. "Do you wanna make out?"

"You're not even human." Jessica told him.

"So?"

"Whatever, I guess you're right." She said, and they started making out.

o0o0o0o0o0o

"I'll be right back." Kawai told Eric, and she left for the bathroom.

After a moment, someone called out Eric's name. "Hey, Raven."

Eric spun around on his seat to see a man in a black T-shirt with a big white three on it.

"What do you want?" Eric asked. He didn't like the tone of this guy's voice.

"I'm calling you out!" Todd declared, and pulled a guitar out from behind his back.

"Okay, bring it!" Eric said. "HYDE!"

Hyde leapt up from snogging Eric's sister and turned into a tornado of shadows. He spun around Eric, and turned into the Axe Bass.

The two bassists began to play two different riffs, and their combined music clashed. They each fought to play louder and harder then the other. Todd's eyes started to flicker white as he increased the speed of his riff. Orange lightning began to spark up Bass Hyde's neck as the notes got faster and deeper. Orange lightning eventually shot out of Hyde's headstock, and it was met with white lightning from Todd's guitar. Eric and Todd gritted their teeth as their lightning clashed together, a shower of sparks erupting between 's white lightning began to push Eric's back, but Eric let out a roar and Hyde's lighting darkened. Black lighting blasted forth from Eric's bass, obliterating Todd's riff lightning and splintering Todd's guitar itself.

Todd was thrown back by the blast. He lay sprawled on the floor, then turned to see the damage that Eric had caused to his instrument.

"You Bastard!" He shouted at Eric. "I'll kill you, Raven!"

Eric turned Hyde over in his hands so that he was holding him by the neck. "well, in that case..." In a burst of sparks, Hyde had transformed into a scythe. Eric leapt through the air and brought the scythe down on Todd, but the Vegan lifted up his hand as his eyes began to glow. Eric found himself suspended in midair by an invisible force, and with a "whu...?" He was thrown through a brick wall.

Eric found himself laying in the dirt outside the club. He coughed, and sat up to see Todd kick step through the hole in the wall. His eyes were glowing, and his hair was spiked up like an anime character. Hyde spun through the air and landed between him, his Scythe blade stuck in the ground.

"Shit" Eric muttered as he tried to stand. He couldn't stay on his feet, and fell back down.

"It's over, Raven." Todd said, and Eric felt an invisible hand close around his throat. "You're in my way."

"What are... what are you talking about?" Eric asked. His throat was so sore, it hurt to speak.

"Envy, Lynette, and soon Ramona. They will all be mine."

"Wait, we're fighting over.. Ggarg... Girls?" Eric asked between gasps of air. He clawed at the air around his neck.

"Yeah, what did you thi-" Todd suddenly felt a burning pain in his arm. Eric fell to the ground.

He grunted and saw that the handle of the scythe had turned into a snake, which had sunk it's fangs into his arm. Hyde wrapped the rest of his body around the Vegan's arm, even though his blood tasted terrible. Todd grabbed Hyde and ripped him off his arm, then threw him into the stratosphere.

"Wait, wait." Eric said. "I'm... I'm not dating Ramona. My cousin is."

"Dammit." Todd muttered. White fire-like energy began to swirl around Todd, and he blasted off into the sky. He had realized that he ad picked a fight with the wrong Raven.

**Back at the Fair!**

**(Fun fact: It's overpriced.)**

Steven and Ramona walked through the fair ground, surrounded by couples and families. The sound of children laughing and the roar of the mechanical rides blotted out all other sounds. All other sounds except for the calls of a carny standing infront of a stand.

"Step right up! Step right up boys and girls." The man called out. :Step right up and try your hand at the ball toss! Hit the target and win a prize!"

As Steven and Ramona walked past, the carny pointed his cane at them. "you there, with the lovely lady! how'd you like to win a stuffed bear for your girl?"

Steven looked at Ramona, who nodded and pointed out a Big stuffed sledgehammer. "How much do I give you?" Steven asked. He didn't like this situation. they always had some gimmick or trick that made it impossible to get the prize, making you waste your money on second tries. There was always a trap door, or a mirror, or maybe they had made the ball with an imbalance so the throw was off.

"Five dollars for three throws." The Carny told him.

"I could get that thing at Dollarama!" Steven exclaimed.

"Steven..." Ramona muttered, and he handed over the bill. The first throw missed by a mile, and the second throw somehow landed _behind_ Steven.

Steven reeled back the ball, and raised his knee like a baseball pitcher. This was it, all or nothing. Like hell he was paying another five bucks for three more throws. Steven suddenly felt the ball shift and rumble in his hand. He looked at it, only to find a metal shurikien sticking out of it.

"Hey! What kind of scam are you trying to pull?" Steven asked the carny. "Rigging the ball so that a ninja star pops out at the last second? What, is this meant to throw off my aim?"

Ramona tapped Steven on the shoulder and pointed at the ticket kiosk. Steven turned to see a girl in a hoodie crouching on top of the kiosk.

"Who the hell are you?" Steven asked, and the girl leapt at him, wielding a katana sword.

"You don't know me, Raven, but I know you." The girl said as she slashed at him. "And soon, ravens will be picking at your corpse!"

Steven ducked and roundhouse kicked her in the stomach.

"I'm sick of hearing that line!" Steven exclaimed.

"People have used that line on you before?" Ramona asked.

"Well, variations of it." Steven replied. "She butchered it."

The ninja girl stood up, her hood coming off. She had her blonde hair done up in pigtails. One eye was concealed by an eyepatch while the other had eyeliner so thick under it that it looked like football facepaint.

"Aren't you a little early, Roxxie?" Ramona asked.

"You know her?" Steven asked.

"Oh, she knows me." Roxxie said slyly.

Steven looked from Roxxie to Ramona, and back again. Then it dawned on him.

"You and her?" He asked. "That's so hot."

Roxxie promptly called Steven a pig.

"Roxxie, why are you here?" Ramona asked. "Todd hasn't even tried to start anything yet. I thought Gideon wanted you guys to come one at a time?"

"What? Shit!" Roxxie shouted. "We'll meet again, Raven."

And she disappeared into a burst of black smoke.


End file.
